Brainville

2004-03-16T22:26:00.000-06:00

HEY! Sorry about not posting, but I finally got what I wanted: a MovableType blog. No more Blogger for me, suckers. Check it out at http://brainville.weblogs.us and update your links like awesome people do.

2004-02-18T19:47:00.000-06:00

Glenn Reynolds made a good point in his TechCentralStation article today, one that made me realize why the whole blogging thing hasn't taken off very well for me - too damn many political blogs. Better ones. Since I can't contribute much there, I need to find some sort of specialty. I'll ponder this one.

It has also come to my attention that the picture of me kissing a dude is unavailable. No clue what the hell that's about, so e-mail me if you want to see it. erik_robinson@hotmail.com

2004-02-14T23:08:00.000-06:00

Mistakes were made

So I had a tree-climbing accident. I rarely climb trees, which is to say, I haven't tried it for a while. Which is probably why I can't do it well. The point is, I was showing off my injury to an acquaintance, and he told me about he accidentally got the same thing by accidentally hitting himself with an axe. I pointed out that he had an AXE-ident. *rimshot*

2004-02-13T23:13:00.000-06:00

Dammit. What happened to blogging? I certainly don't know. As an apology, enjoy this picture of me kissing my friend Justin. I'm the skinny one.

2004-02-09T19:39:00.000-06:00

Protest!

Those poor protestors. They were so devoted to their cause, standing out in the... well, it wasn't cold, but hey, it was raining. So, standing out in the rain... protesting. It was a noble effort, but protests are, on balance, ineffective. Consider how many people protested the war in Iraq. I'm sure hardly anyone's opinion changed based on an anti-war protest. The slogans, songs, and stereotypical hippies all make for thoroughly amusing spectacle, but since when was protest ever convincing?

Protests are good for venting the anger, I'm sure. And you know, I bet protesting makes a lot of people feel like they've done something for the cause, and really filled their lives with meaning. At the same time, they look awkward, like they're trying too hard to mimick every protest they've seen before on TV, and throwing out a lot of vague, floating notions that you can't prove in the space of a sign.

At least they can sometimes incite some awesome riots.

2004-02-05T18:34:00.000-06:00

NO! It's all that is loathesome and vile!

Yes, I'm sorry for not posting much.

2004-02-02T21:21:00.000-06:00

Yet another post somehow pertaining to infanticide

You know, English class really does present some opportunities for hilarity. We had to write a narrative based on the prompt "At a Halloween party, a man in a bumblebee suit shot a man dressed as a baby." My plot to the story? Well, the bumbleebee guy hates babies, and is disgusted at the sight of the morally abhorrent baby costume, so he kills the guy. It turns out, the guy dressed as a baby runs an abortion clinic. Ahh? Ahh? I insist you all stick with me on these things.

2004-01-30T16:08:00.000-06:00

My English teacher mentioned P.J O'Rourke to me after class today, so I decided to ask him if he was of the libertarian persuasion. Turns out he is, and for some reason, it made me really happy. Not just happy actually - exuberant. The kind of exuberant you get when you hear that someone really cool is in like with you, and all because he shares my moderately-unpopular political views. Odd, but cool.

2004-01-30T07:39:00.000-06:00

After a verbal scuffle in the comments section, I'd like to make clear my stance on annoucing your own coolness, because I'm awesome like that. As with all discussions about coolness, we'll use The Fonz as the paradigm cool person.

Announcing your coolness is important. Happiness, fulfillment, and all of those other wonderful feelings of satisfaction come from within. You have to feel good about yourself, and other people's opinions don't matter. Having achieved this level of satisfaction, it's then time to let everyone know how cool you are by bragging, or at least trying to very clearly present your awesome character.

The Fonz made it very clear he was cool. His style exuded "Hey guys, look at me, I'm cool." Moreover, he always made it a point to emphasize his coolness with acts, like when he hit things and made them work. Here's a man who clearly has supernatural powers, or at least is supernaturally cool. Rather than hide his gift, or spend it fighting crime, he devoted his gift to demonstrating its own awesome capability. So he turned things on with his neato powers, and everyone loved him.

Let's suppose he hadn't shown off his coolness. Then, he'd be in a sad situation; no one would have known he was cool! He would have faded into the background, just a cipher in the world of Happy Days. Instead, he made himself known, and as a result, we know it.

If you'll examine cool people closely, I think you'll also find that the coolest of them advertise the fact that they're cool, which is what makes them so cool. Hiigaran thinks he's pretty cool, and he let us know it, so we're likely to accept a minimum level of coolness as belonging to him already. So tell everyone about how cool you are, and eventually, you will be. (Thoughts on this and subjectivism later.)

2004-01-28T13:51:00.000-06:00

For what it's worth, I miss those halcyon days of Dean the frontrunner. Anyone that's at least vaguely familiar with my blog or my political leanings knows that I ranted about hating Dean, pontificated about his wrong-mindedness, and in general didn't want him to be president. Yet, I can't help but feeling angry about Kerry being the new frontrunner. Really angry.

Dean lost support because of his little screaming incident. So the man's a firey orator, what's the big deal? "Because he lost control of himself. The president can't lose control of himself." Really, what the hell kind of argument is that? Is it not possible to shreik enthusiastically for a number of reasons other than totally losing your mind and control to the forces of irrationality? Dean's fire is his best quality. Most of Dean's policies are logically flawed and morally abhorrent, but so are Kerry's. If someone's going to enforce flawed policy, I'd rather it be a lovable, delightfully surly guy with an intense demeanor rather than just a cold, withdrawn, and seemingly timid and uncomfortable personality.

Yeah, I suppose that means I'm blogging.

2004-01-22T10:53:00.000-06:00

Hiatus!

Wow, I never thought I'd get a chance to use that word, but here I am. One more of those things I need to do before I die done. Sweet.

Anyway, I need to take a bit of a break from blogging. Not that I'm burnt out because I just post so much, but I haven't felt very compelled to say anything lately. I have absolutely no clue how long I'm taking a break for. Probably just until I feel like I have something good to say. So, uh, check back daily and all of that business, and I'll be back sometime soon.

2004-01-16T14:08:00.000-06:00

Meg thinks she can win our little, or rather, incredibly grand scuffle, because she has some seven foot tall oak-tree armed minions with flowers, squirrels, and butterflies living in them. Well whoopdie-fuckin'-do, she has some hippies. You think the mention of LEAVES was accidental? Hah!

This next one takes some logical connetctions. Meg thinks that the word coerce seems sexual. I argued AGAINST coercion by Meg Ryan. She accuses me of wanting to do the bad thing with Meg Ryan. CLEARLY, Meg has comprehension problems.

Not only that, but I think the tables can be quite easily turned on her. SHE's the one who brought up the subject of me doing the nasty, seeming to suggest some sort of disposition to think of me sexually. Not only that, but she suggested I would be doing it with someone named Meg. Moreover, she continues to "be nice" to be by insisting that I may run my own country under her rule. Who but a helpless lover would give someone an entire country? Like the marijuana incident, it's clearly no mistake. If it is, it's a damning mistake. Oh how you've slipped up, Meg.

That of course brings up the question of why she's so infatuated with me. I'll tell you why. It's my mad dictator skillz. Even she implicitly ackowledges that I'm more awesome. Well, don't be a pussy like her. Be explicit. Exclaim loudly that you love Erik, and hate Meg.

2004-01-15T15:30:00.000-06:00

Dictatorial Brawl Part I

Meg thinks she's pretty damn good, what with her superior blog design and post-categorizing abilities. Well, I strongly urge you all not to be taken in by her flashy gimmickry and lies, and instead stick with the more honest dictatorially-inclined person here. ME.

Look, Meg's blog is called Trigger Happy. Sure, she may be using it in the traditional sense, but more likely, it just looks like a ripoff of Trigger Happy TV. My blog title is an esoteric reference to an old Flaming Lips song. Score one for me.

Also on the subject of blog titles, mine seems to suggest a name for the country that I end up dictating. Surely she doesn't plan to call her country Trigger Happy. Oh, she does? Then she's a stupidface.

How much do we even really know about this Meg character? Everyone knows I'm an expedient young college student living in Texas. Therefore, I'm a rugged, yet thoughtful man, the perfect kind of rough, brutal and aggressive, hormones-raging anger coursing through my veins to dispose me towards violent actions, but enough intelligence to do it well. As for her, we know she's named Meg. For all we know, she's Meg Ryan. Jesus, do you want that chick-flick star coercing you? Damn right you don't.

She's also clearly insane, but not in the good way:

What? I am aware that there are three reasons above, yes. That means nothing to me. I simply said I made my decision based on two reasons, so, obviously, one of them wasn't included. ..It takes one to know one? What the hell are you talking about, silent voice? I am not gay, shut up. I hate you.

Where as all of my hilarious, strangely-out-of-place commentary is directed at other people, she doesn't even have any supporters, so she has to invent them and talk to them in her mind. So obviously, she has psychological problems, where as I am a potential psychology major. See all of the good things that accompany my rise to the top, and all the failures that accompany hers? Please, remember them when you decide on whose death camps you want to visit this summer.

2004-01-15T10:50:00.000-06:00

Meg, of comments fame, has a new blog. You should read it.

2004-01-14T14:36:00.000-06:00

In my Cultural Implications of the Information Society class today, we had an awesome discussion on privacy, and of course, the right to it. Well, the instructor kept asking how people come to the conclusion that they have a right to privacy. Being inclined towards logic and reason, I insisted that people only have a right to privacy on their own property.

Of course, there were more far-reaching issues such as why people want privacy. I can't vouch for everyone else, but I don't value privacy TOO much, because I'm thoroughly convinced that I don't do anything wrong or bad, and I think I'm awesome, so it wouldn't bother me if people knew what I was up to.

Getting to the real point, some girl responded "You keep asking why we should have privacy. Well, why NOT?" This attitude is very philosophically irresponsible. Consider, she's clearly the one trying to establish a right to her privacy, so she has to establish the reasons for the right. She didn't seem to have grasped that basic principle and AH! NO! I like the class because it's fun, but more importantly, it would seem I'm smarter, at least philosophically, than the rest of the students. Score one for Erik!

2004-01-12T20:13:00.000-06:00

Damned lies

NPR's Justice Talking was talking justice today, and posed an interesting question I'd never considered before: Is it okay for professors to teach that the Holocaust never happened? It's a good question.

I'm going to give the diplomatic answer and say that it all depends. If a private university were to allow professors to teach false information, then that's its business. Of course, institutions that propogate lies also fall into disrepute, which is once again, their business.

On the issue of public schools: I disagree with the idea of tax-funded schools mainly because I'm opposed in principle to taxing people. Buuuut, since they exist already, it would just be stupid to remain agnostic on the matter. I think it's morally wrong, if a school if publicly funded, to teach anything but the truth. With people forced to pay and children forced to go, it's morally unacceptable to lie to them, as there isn't a legitimate alternative. Though, if parents were given tax breaks to pay for private schooling, then I'd say that public schools can teach all the lies they want.

2004-01-11T20:53:00.000-06:00

The Simpsons

As a once hardcore Simpsons fan, I have a question about tonight's episode. Is Lisa going to be tortured? She refers to Principal Skinner as Principal Tanzarian, even though no one is legally allowed to mention Skinner's past as Tanzarian "under penalty of torture."

So, I ask: where is the torture?

2004-01-11T09:49:00.000-06:00

Someone found my blog by searching for why teenagers sag their pants. In an effort to accomodate the wide range of visitors and answer everyone's questions, teenagers sag their pants because they're teenagers, and therefore, stupid.

Of course, I don't sag my pants even though technically being a teenager, and I have friends that don't, because we're all what you'd call "the cool kids." Wearing your pants up is sort of the modern day equivalent of smoking in the high school bathrooms.

2004-01-11T01:05:00.000-06:00

Breakin' Up the Beetle

Claims that individualists are heartless, apathetic bastards because they think that yes, even the poor should be forced to deal with their own problems, are way off. I adhere to reason and logic, and I apply my philosophy consistently, but dammit do I have a conscience getting in the way of being a badass about it.

My cat was having fun with a beetle just a minute ago. I hate beetles. They're crawly and buggy, they have those disgusting, beady... adorable little eyes. I felt odd about feeling so sorry for something that probably isn't even self-aware. What's worse, it had already lost two legs, wasn't going to survive, and I had a pretty huge crisis of conscience trying to decide whether I should kill it instantly or hope it finds some good prosthetic legs. The only rational option was to kill it, but I felt really bad about it, seeing him dropped off at the pool, only to find that "oh my god there's something draining the pool!" [As a side note, it'd be horrible to stay alive after being flushed, swimming with the feces and such. Just like a public pool.]

That's about it really. I think really, the anecdote is meant as an "In your face, collectivists! Unforced compassion DOES exist!"

2004-01-09T23:24:00.000-06:00

A Cultural Analysis of Spot

This is just something I wrote to someone on instant messenger; spur of the moment, stream of consciousness, no editing, yeah yeah. It explains the lack of decency.

See Spot. See Spot run. See Spot, having fun.

The words that captured the heart and soul of a generation. Spot became the most preponderant, big-lettered canine cultural icon of the period it was released, whenever that was. Spot had an uncanny power to bring children together to read five minutes of mediocre storytelling. Not only that, he taught kids that it didn't matter if their sentence structure sucked; the important thing was that they saw Spot, saw his spot, knew why he was called Spot, knew it on the dot, then went out to run, thereby having fun, just like Spot.

This, friends, was an important thing because of its use of symbolism. The Spot was OUR spot, the spot in our lives at which we happen to be. Rather than looking at the negative side of things, we should see our spot as fun, even on the run, since it's but a fleeting moment that is very precious because it won't last, oh how it won't last.

Spot was the paradigm of optimism, and inspired a generation of optimistic thinkers. Unfortunately, his influence was short lived, as most kids exposed to Spot ended up being angsty goths and emo pussies anyway. Well, one teen hasn't forgotten Spot, and one teen certainly is ready to watch him run, one last time.

2004-01-09T18:07:00.000-06:00

Achievements!

I'd like to acknowledge that I've hit the wonderfully Satanic milestone of 1,666 posts. Of course, if anyone's reading this, that number has changed, so shame on you for invalidating my post! But thank you for contributing to my goal of eventually hitting 666,666 posts, a goal all too far-fetched and lofty to achieve.

Maybe Satan would assist me without requiring me to sell my soul if I reminded him that it is for advertisement purposes. Maybe I could get a discount rate, say, sell half my soul. The philosophers among us would then start asking whether the soul is a physical entity that can be divided into halves, or an incorporeal "dealie" that, well, can't. To them I reply "Don't question Satan's logic! It's all great! It's so infallible, it leads him to believe in himself and God, so there!"

2004-01-08T18:56:00.000-06:00

An incredibly brief social history of nerds

Nerds have been an integral part of American culture since... well, probably since the fifties, since they had the first documented cases of nerds. Of course, the documentation wasn’t itself done in the fifties. The first popular record of nerds didn’t appear until the seventies, with the airing of the fifties documentary, Happy Days.

Happy Days offered us much insight into the world and characteristics of nerds, depicting them primarily as moderately-social, often affluent young people, many of whom had no luck with the opposite sex. Since female nerds didn’t become preponderant until the nineties, this meant nerds had trouble with the lad-aays.

But beyond the standard nerd traits, Happy Days also demonstrated to us that even the coolest people like nerds. The Fonz was, without a doubt, the coolest person to have ever lived. Despite that, who ended up being his best friends? Richie, Potsy, and Ralph - some of the biggest nerds ever. Surely, Fonzie could have been in some sort of “cool people” group, but instead, he hung out with the people who you’d expect to find at the bottom of the social ladder.

Not much changed about nerds until the eighties, when rather than just being a bit on the dorky side, it became much more commonplace to be a shut-in, quite often living in the basement, their primary source of sustenance being candy, chips, and slushies.

In the late eighties and early nineties, there was a period of time when the jocks rose up against the nerds, giving rise to swirlies and social ostracism for the poor lads. Even movies like Revenge of the Nerds couldn’t save them.

Now, things seem to be looking up for the nerds, which were once a minority. Everyone loves to emulate nerds, and they’ve even taken an interest in actual nerd culture. Look at the surprising success of videogames. To a certain extent, the fascination with nerd culture has gotten a bit extreme. Now it’s cool to be a nerd. Everyone tries so hard to be one, and the other social groups like jocks and ditzy girls are almost completely ostracized.

The surge in nerd popularity is fairly reminiscent of the surge in black popularity. Blacks faced a few hundred years of treatment as a socially and culturally inferior minority, but in the latter part of the 1900s, black culture became infinitely cooler than white culture. Perhaps it was an apology for the years of abuse, or perhaps there’s something of a reverse Flynn Effect taking place, but it was hard to deny that by the nineties, if it wasn’t black, it was whack. Much similar to that is the contention that if it isn’t nerd, my super robotic death zebras will go Zelda on you while they fight the forces of the omnipresent jocks trying to make decent, smart people feel bad, while flinging turd. Go into a Hot Topic and you’ll know what I mean.

Perhaps the term nerd has been used to loosely. Maybe this isn’t a new generation of nerds. It seems entirely possible that what underground pop culture has spawned is a new generation of geek, known as geekfortheweek, even though that may be considered an inadequate name, as it’ll probably last for a year or so.

Whatever the name, one thing is certain: I’ve never wanted to give swirlies more in my life.

2004-01-07T20:42:00.000-06:00

Discussion update

The discussion over at Magnifisyncopathological has gotten really intense. Sorry I haven't written much here, but most of my online time has been spent reading things and arguing over there.

The debate's made me realize that, despite how much I love it, discussing politics and philosophy can be not only frustrating, but leave you feeling really unfulfilled. Proven points go unnoted, arguments get ignored, logic gets trashed. It's almost painful when there is no clear-cut winner. I need tangible results, basically meaning that one side concedes it was wrong and withdraws. Stalemates are unsatisfying, and arguments can sometimes feel wasted and unfulfilling.

On the plus side, as Chaz noted, it's a good exercise for that mental muscle. That feels good, and makes the whole process worthwhile.

I haven't met someone willing to defend his position so adamantly, even if I do disagree with it. Doc may be a troublemaker, but what a wonderful troublemaker. He cares. It's been a while since I've argued with someone that didn't just cave and decide that "maybe we're both right/wrong." It's inordinately annoying, but at the same time, it's very admirable.

2004-01-07T13:16:00.000-06:00

Victory!

UPDATE: I'm adding it at the top so people will actually see it. I forgot to add my commentary about these seeming kinda... you know... stupid. As pleased as I was, and still am, about Saddam's capture, those coins just seem gimmicky. [Yeah, that's all.]

Check out the new Bush/Saddam Victory/Defeat coins:

I apologize for the crappy quality, but I just snapped a quick picture of the ad earlier with my digital camera. There is no time for scanning!

2004-01-06T23:17:00.000-06:00

!!! [???]

Interestingly enough, I'm number nine on the Google search results for "he looks like a dinosaur" because of that time I wrote about Dick Gephart looking like one. His name has four of the letters from dinosaur, now that I think about it. He is old, too. Sounds to me that it needs to be checked out.

I want you all to stick with me on this next one.

Burgers need tabasco sauce. We'll put tabasco sauce on burgers. The Hamburgler loves burgers, and he particularly likes burgling burgers, so he can be expected to try burgling these burgers. The tabasco sauce may taste good, but it probably also works as mace, preventing The Hamburgler from burgling burgers.

That observation doesn't come from McDonald's, the tabasco sauce factory, or a drug party. I just saw a bottle of tabasco sauce in IHOP and instantly thought of that. Upon further reflection, I've concluded that I really need sleep, and will now conclude with getting that sleep.

2004-01-05T23:16:00.000-06:00

Discussion alert!

There's a cool discussion going on over at Magnifisyncopathological. If you're interested in discussing views on noise ordinances and/or ownership of roadway systems, you should check it out. I really do want to issue the brief caveat that in it, I sound a bit uptight and stiff. I was going for the whole "civil" discourse thing, and it ends up affecting the way I write. It'd be a lot more relaxed if I didn't care about sounding like a jackass. Which is, ironically, what I ended up doing anyway. You know, I'll just shut up and advise you to read it.

2004-01-03T21:28:00.000-06:00

Objectively, a skinny black drug addict killing someone with a hammer and serving eight years in jail isn’t that funny. But the same man recounting his murderous antics to two young men in the Barnes and Noble parking lot, trying to use his case to demonstrate the wonderful healing power of Jesus while selling five dollar keychains made of cheap beads? Hilarious!

Well, maybe not to you. Maybe humor is fairly subjective, but the only thing that kept me from cackling uncontrollably while he was trying to sell his story was his freaky, druggy, prison-hardened eyes. He did kill a guy with a hammer. I wanted to call him Thor, but I thought that’d offend him, being so militantly monotheistic and all.

Then there’s the overwhelming temptation to test his devotion to his newfound principles. You know, shake him up a bit, see if he can take it like a man. No, like the man: Jesus. I could have teased him, could have explained the flaws in his beliefs... but then again, he murdered a guy! Logic just can’t stand up to the almighty wrath of Thor.

2004-01-03T15:09:00.000-06:00

Smoking as child abuse?

That's right! Apparently, smoking in front of children is a form of child abuse:

Perhaps San Antonio should take it a step further, fine parents who smoke in front of their children and charge them with child abuse.

The smoking bans in restaurants and bars were ridiculous enough, but a ban on smoking in front of children? Wow. The idea really is terrible, but I do think I would accept certain smoking bans on children. No, I haven't abandoned liberty!

Consider, smoking is fine in establishments that allow it, because other people can just leave if they don't want to inhale it. It's easy enough for adults to avoid. Problem is, parents have a certain amount of authority over their children, such as "Stay close" and "Don't leave the house." In these cases, when children don't really have the choice of leaving and avoiding the smoke, I'd certainly say that the parents have an obligation to hold back on their trip to flavor country. That is, if the kids don't want to smell it. If the kids wanted to second-hand, that's their business.

2004-01-02T15:04:00.000-06:00

Brawny Man Redone (!!!)

Well, I must say, I'm disgusted. Brawny is redoing the Brawny Man. They're taking away his rugged man mustache, thereby making him much less rugged, and 100% less mustachey.

The idea is to make him a sensitive man for the new millenium. Look, I don't want to be fed some crap about the Brawny man being brawny and tough anymore. I don't want some metrosexual that cleans the kitchen because he loves it. I need a manly man that cleans the kitchen because he can do it damn well, a man that is the boss.

I won't even tolerate a brawny man that fixes cars and hauls lumber. That's pathetic. I demand the kind of rugged individual that can kill a grizzly bear with nothing but his flannel, plaid shirt and his bare hands. That's the kind of man I want cleaning my kitchen in towel form.

2004-01-01T19:20:00.000-06:00

Update on presidential policy

Jessica Simpson insists you don't need to be bright. It shows.

Britney Spears thinks the movies at Sundance are "weird because you have to think about them." I'm still amazed she was able to think it that far through.

As a result of these two developments, I've decided that upon becoming president, as morally opposed to it as I am, I'm building death camps, or at least some kind of terror police.

2004-01-01T16:14:00.000-06:00

Erik in '04

[That has no ring to it. I should nickname myself The Whore so that'll rhyme. Then, I'd have the rappers' and poets' vote.]

If I were really running for president, I’d have to make the nation aware of my policies on THE issues, so I figure I’ll detail them right now.

I’d eliminate public education. First of all, I’m opposed to it in principle since it’s supported by taxpayer money. Second of all, it doesn’t work. Talk to practically any product of the public education system from the last fifteen years, and you’ll see what I mean. Thirdly, and most importantly, I believe in being tough on the youngins. If they’re not smart enough to educate themselves, then they’re just too stupid to be educated by anyone else, especially a bunch of fat ladies wearing mumus.

Next order of business, eliminate Social Security, Medicare, and any other kind of program that benefits the old folks. Once again, I’m opposed in principle. Then there are other problems. Ever actually talk to an old person? They’re some strange characters. Not only that, but they’re really old, so they don’t have much ahead of them anyway. If their real contributions are already behind them, then they’re just wasting natural resources. Letting nature take care of ‘em helps the environment.

I believe in maintaining a strong, healthy environment. Therefore, only the strong and healthy will be allowed to make use of it by outstronging and outhealthying all of the weak and sickly for the right to use it. It’s natural selection.

Evolution would be mandatory curriculum in public schools, were they not destroyed and turned into Chippendale’s at the beginning of my presidency.

Since the power to do all of these things isn’t technically granted to the president, I’d make them so. Since the power to do that also isn’t technically granted to the president, so that would be changed too, ad infinitum.

That’s actually the first thing I’d have to do, so I’d establish a Department of Time Travel that would build a time machine so I could return to the beginning of my presidency and change the presidential powers. Failing that, I’d travel back in time to the 1700s and have the powers Constitutionally granted to me specifically. All other presidents play by the rules in effect now. Those tyrannical assholes.

Speed limits would be eliminated. There would be slow limits for every road. Slow limits would be enforced by the citizens, so if someone can’t get their act together, some friendly nudging is perfectly fine.

In an effort to be an accommodating government, emo pussies and goths who make mention of suicide will be thrown into duels to the death, Colosseum style. If they’re pacifists, they’ll just be publicly executed.

In conclusion, vote for me. If you don’t, then when I’m president, you’ll be ruled with an iron fist, while the rest of the population romps in magical happy freedom land. During my presidency, I'm sure I'd be unpopular, but so was Lincoln. I think that, retrospectively, I'll be the best president ever.

UPDATE: It has been brought to my attention that I am not old enough to run. So, I will run when I turn thirty five, and then change the current age policy while I'm altering the other policies of old.

2003-12-31T23:31:00.000-06:00

NEW YEAR!

Technically, New Year's Eve. Oh yeah. I'm drunk. Magnificently, beautifully, wonderfully drunk! Actually, I don't care for alcohol, but I am a huge proponent of alcohol-based jokes. They're just funny.

I don't make resolutions. It's not that I don't like keeping my life in order. Really, it's a problem of not being resolute. I consider myself resolved, though. Resolved to not becoming resolved to resolution. Maybe I should just resolve to take Claritin. What? That doesn't improve clarity? Damn. Back to the alcohol jokes!

Really, though, 2003 has been the best calendar year of my life. It brought me happy times and, well, more great, happy times. In fact, I didn't have any depressed periods at all, and consider myself a genuinely and consistently happy person, especially after this year.

The year was excellent philosophically. I went from being more of a modern liberal and socialistically-inclined hippie late summer of 2002 to being a pretty serious Objectivist over the winter, to just being right for the rest of the year. By right, I mean dropping some of the more intolerant and cultish aspects of Objectivism in favor of a slightly friendlier, less stoic and serious attitude. The transition from off-the-wall liberalism to benign, yet logical Libertarianism, was pretty damn thrilling.

My social life really took off this year, too. Associates, flunkies, cronies, goons, lackies, pals, and friends all over the place, sometimes even annoyingly so. I wouldn't consider myself an anti-social shut-in, but I have realized I like to be alone to get things done. Also, I re-befriended a very important friend this year. TWICE. Nothing dramatic, really. Just the standard friends drifiting thing.

"It's been a long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last."

Lyrically awesome, but not factually accurate, or, shortened, facturate. The month seemed shorter than usual, but didn't lose any temporal length. Next year leaves room for improvement, I suppose, but not a whole lot.

Anyway, everyone enjoy their partying, boozing, and getting laid. I hope you all get laid fantabolously well, especially Mei. More importantly, enjoy the new year!

2003-12-31T13:52:00.000-06:00

Check out this fairly entertaining Honda commercial.

Link ripped from Crescat Sententia

2003-12-31T01:49:00.000-06:00

WAXY!

I'm really messed up right now. I'm the kind of guy that shakes from the caffiene in a 32oz. Dr. Pepper. So of course, 20 oz. of coffee and a few sodas aren't going unnoticed. I feel sick, and I feel wrong. Rather than post something insightful while screwed up, I'm asking an inane question.

How often do you clean your ears? Mine feel really irritated after showers, so basically, I clean 'em every day, even though there's no wax buildup or anything. It's an addictive rush, sticking a Q-Tip in, not knowing if it'll come out. Actually, once I accidentally moved awkwardly while doing it, and stabbed my ear with my de-waxing implement. I found dry blood in there for weeks, but that's disgusting and digressing.

Post any earwaxy tails, too. Also, if you happen to know, tell me if swabbing too frequently is unhealthy. It never hurts to be in the know!

2003-12-29T14:18:00.000-06:00

Well, I just finished writing two moderately-entertaining little pieces. The only problem is that they're not for the blog. Nope. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on who you are, they were written for Drunken Jebus, which will hopefully, you know. Go places, totally unlike it did last time. By places, I mean to the secular, achievement-oriented individual's goal, Successville.

Anyway, writing two things for Jebus last night left me with an amazing respect for the work Lileks does. He writes an average of eleventy billion things a week, and they're usually all delightful. How he manages to do it is beyond me, but hopefully one day it won't be. One of these days, it'd be nice to write like the best. To combine the humor of Don Watkins with the charm of Lileks, the insight of countless brilliant bloggers and writers, and to be able to do it with the frequency and audience-grabbing capacities of Glenn Reynolds. If not, I could always build a robot to do it for me, but something tells me that the physical mechanics involved in robotics are a bit more complicated than the verbal mechanics involved in keeping my writing very un-robotic, and in fact, wonderful. Whateva!

2003-12-27T16:36:00.000-06:00

Wow, you sure can come up with some odd stuff to say when you're really drowsy. I suppose it wasn't too bad.

Anyway, my hits have shot back up. They dropped to the single digits every day for a while, but yesterday, back in the twenties for no apparent reason at all. Also, the SiteMeter logo at the bottom was noticably absent, so I'm assuming the counter wasn't working for a while. Damn.

2003-12-27T07:21:00.000-06:00

A public affirmation of life loving

An acquaintance of mine was depressed today, completely lacking a good reason. I’m not the kind of guy to get down, or to ever really see reasons for being down. I always find myself asking “How the hell can someone actually feel down?” Am I an overly-optimistic nutcase that’s found a way to repress emotions? Not at all. It’s just that depression is for the most part, illogical.

The basic reasons for depression? I can think of two. Number one: “It’s all too much.” Number two: “Life is so pointless.” Kind of odd that they contradict each other. The problem is, number one is wrong. It’s not all too much, it’s just that people choose to bog themselves down. Even worse, people choose to overreact to the most insignificant details, leading to depression.

Number two on the other hand, is on to something. What is the point? People usually look for an externally-imposed purpose to give their life some kind of ineffable “meaning.” If that’s what purpose is, then there is none. We are all cosmically insignificant specks doing cosmically insignificant things in the cosmos, which, themselves, are entirely meaningless too. Beautiful. I don’t mean that sarcastically either.

Who set this standard for purpose, anyway? Somehow, it’s regarded as axiomatic that purpose has to be transcendent, something truly great in the scheme of all things. But if we’re all working towards this universal purpose, it would seem that we’re kinda... you know... tools. You wanna be a tool? Isn’t a self-fulfilling, self-created purpose much more desirable than something imposed by forces beyond our comprehension?

There isn’t anything you can do that will matter throughout the universe, throughout time. To quote The Flaming Lips, “Do you realize that everyone you know, some day, will die?” Yes, we’re all going to die, so why keep on living and caring? That quote just makes everything seem so bleak and miserable to some people, but I think that it should encourage urgency and expediency, because we’re all going to die. Sure, in about eighty years, none of this will matter at all to me (Unless we get some sweet immortality thing set up.) because I’ll just be far too dead to care. The problem is that people use that to justify not enjoying anything, since it won’t matter later. Really, it’s tantamount to deciding not to clean something because it’ll get messy some time in the future.

I am biologically set up to feel happiness. Because of certain chemicals that are released in my body, I feel an emotion. Maybe it isn’t a rare, transcendental experience that comes after hard work, but who cares? It feels good. Moreover, it IS good. I give my life meaning on my own, because dammit, I really want to live it and take advantage of every possibility. Youthful and idealistic? You bet. But it seems sort of odd that “youthful and idealistic” is considered a pejorative label in a culture that idealizes youth.

The pointlessness of life viewed from an external, universal standpoint should make you feel good if you’re the type to feel stressed out by various pressures. Problems are a lot less bothersome when you remember that they won’t last forever. They’re temporary obstacles in the way of living at the moment, but they’ll be gone soon, and you’ll be around for a good deal longer than they are. Why not just enjoy things while they’re problematic, and milk the most out of life when you can?

Of course, as Reasonable Man always likes to say, “If only everyone were as reasonable as I am!” Really, it all seems to lead to the conclusion that depressed people are either ignorant or they really like being depressed. Sure, some people have it bad. When people are actually forced into submission, when they’re not actually free to enjoy things around them, then it can be depressing. Most depressed people I can think of aren’t like that, though. In fact, depression seems the worst among free people living an affluent lifestyle. Just look at a lot of teenagers. No problems, but it all hurts so much. For hurting so much, they really do a whole lot to help it. Maybe one day, a tiny bit of reason will creep its way into their minds, and they’ll realize that the universe is on our side. Well, it would be if the universe were conscious. And if there were sides located outside the universe that the universe could be on. But of course, then it’s not THE universe and... well, I’ll just stick with the saying. No one cares enough to analyze it anyway.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everyone goes ‘Aww!’” -Jack Kerouac

2003-12-27T06:34:00.000-06:00

Never again will I ingest anything caffeinated. Or I at least I won't until my all-nighter catches up with me. Whichever comes first, I guess.

Usually, I'm a lightweight when it comes to staying up. My brother asks me to, and it just doesn't happen. But a latte at four in the evening, a nap from six to seven, and two diet cokes around midnight have kept me up until 6:30 so far. Seeing as though I have to be up at nine, seems kinda stupid to go to bed, eh?

At least something productive came out of it. I bought The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and read the entire thing this morning. I've never done that with any book before, so yes, it really is that good.

Actually, I feel like having a nap now. Hopefully I don't regret this post after I'm more awake and alert.

2003-12-26T19:59:00.000-06:00

Holiday M&Ms Minis show us cross-advertising unleashed in the form of the smirky green M&M.

Don't see it? How could you not? His innocent little smile is quite clearly the Nike symbol. I think it supports my case to note that he's wearing some kind of basketball shoes. CUSTOM MADE with green laces. Only people with the hardcore hookup get custom made shoes, so I think you can see what's going on here.

2003-12-25T22:11:00.000-06:00

Well, a Merry Christmas to everyone. I'm not going to acknowledge any of the other holidays. Being an atheist, you might ask why I give such favor to Christmas, and that's because it has the best presents. Those other holidays suck.

Anyway, I got a digital camera. My response can best be summed up with this:

2003-12-24T13:30:00.000-06:00

The world. CORRECTED.

I read with dismay that our troops in Afghanistan killed 15 innocent children in two incidents. Fifteen sweet kids slaughtered by fellow Americans with taxpayer-provided weapons in our failed attempt to "liberate" the people of Afghanistan.

Yeah, those weapons should have been privately funded. Now drug dealers and gangs have the moral high ground. For shame.

But how do you know these kids were sweet? Did you lick 'em? My guess is that, living in Afghanistan, with all of that sweat and sand, they probably tasted either really salty, or really bitter. Sweet is reserved for billionaire children that bathe in fudge and candies.

Two years of wasted American lives, wasted Afghan lives and wasted U.S. tax dollars that could have been used to improve domestic problems. I'm sure the families and friends of those Afghan civilians feel all warm and cuddly toward us as a country when U.S. military propagandists say, "Oops! Sorry we blew up little Ali and Cassandra, but these things happen as we save your country."

Fifteen kids, two names? Heh, those crazy Afghanis.

Why is it there is no outcry? Do Americans honestly think killing kids will make us more friends in the world? How come we do not see the parallel between our idiocy in Iraq and our idiocy in Afghanistan?

There's no outcry for this, but there IS outcry because Lee Boyd Malvo wasn't sentenced to death. If you look at these things critically, you'll realize that cultural attitudes are shifting towards the idea that it's good to kill kids. Do you want a bunch of mud-n-cookie crumb handed, booger munching, pants-pissing assheads running around, polluting more than big industrial giants, in terms of noise and tangible pollution?

Why do you think children's toys are so deadly? Because of incompetence? Hah!

Ever wonder why we deprive children of the right to drink, smoke, have sex, and see R-rated movies? "Because they're too young and inexperienced for those things." Pft, a simple explantion only a child would believe! Off to the death camps!

The idea behind pleasure deprivation is to encourage suicide, so we don't get our own hands messy. It's why teenagers do it so much. After being deprived of licentious pleasures for so long, they decide life is essentially pointless, and end it right there. Depressing music is produced by adults to help speed the process along, and generate a bit of money in the process. You know, get it back from those greedy fuckers with their "allowances" and such.

I suppose now that the secret's out, I might as well just try to finish the cleansing myself.

2003-12-23T17:58:00.000-06:00

Did anyone see that movie Volcano High on MTV a few nights ago? If you didn't, you missed out. I only watched half an hour or so, but it was thoroughly entertaining. It was a martial arts/action-oriented movie with a lot of ripped-off Matrix effects and colors. It took place in some Japanese high school where, from what I gathered, the teachers really enjoy beating the crap out of the students, just like real high school. Ahh, those crazy Asians.

As awesome as the plot is, that's not the selling point of the movie. The dubbing was done very well. For the voice acting cast? Rappers. I'm pretty sure all of the characters were voiced by rappers, and it got me to wondering who the hell could have thought of dubbing an Asian film with rappers.

As a related idea, it might be kind of cool to dub Indian films using Injun voice actors.

2003-12-22T22:35:00.000-06:00

I don't have anything good to say, but Don Watkins sure does. Here's my favorite:

Kids who let their pants sag at or below ass level – This is proof that my generation is not very bright. The people most likely to have to run from the police are also the people most likely to trip over their own fucking pants after they fall to the ground. I’m not even going to wish you ill. I’m just going to laugh my ass off while I watch the cops beat the shit out of you.

There's more. Read, because it's awesome.

2003-12-21T23:27:00.000-06:00

I never thought writer's block was a real problem. When I saw the episode of Beetlejuice dealing with it, I didn't think they were serious about it. Ahh, the joys of being a little kid.

Now that I like writing, it's hard. I say plenty of humorous things in conversation, but it's much harder to elaborate on them and turn them into post-worthy compositions. Some people always have something hilarious to say. Like Watkins. That guy.

Writer's block seems to be affecting everyone right now, though. Drizz is having problems... uhm... a few people took breaks, I'm having problems. Yep. Looks like everyone's having trouble writing things these days. Actually, I'm tempted to make something of the Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan feud. Those white bitches are fighting over Aaron Carter. Apparently, the man, or rather, boy, can't keep his eyes on the prize, and ended up cheating on Lohan with Duff. You know, I don't think that even needs a joke to it if you consider those characters and their situation. So enjoy that.

2003-12-20T14:22:00.000-06:00

A question

On this thoroughly uninspired afternoon, I'd like to ask you, what's worse: Never being able to read again, or never being able to hear music again?

2003-12-19T12:42:00.000-06:00

Huh!?

Thirteen hours, and one hit? One? I find it somewhat hard to believe that my hits per day would drop from twenty something to one so suddenly, especially because it's not like I'm skipping on posting. Plus, everyone else seems to be blogging less. Is there some sort of holiday or something?

2003-12-18T20:37:00.000-06:00

Rock the vote, bitches

Jennifer Lopez is following in beau Ben Affleck's politicized footsteps. Us magazine reports that the overexposed megastar has recorded a public service announcement urging on-the-fence Americans to register to vote. The ad is certainly guaranteed to reach the masses: it will debut during the Super Bowl and will run endlessly on MTV until the presidential election next November. According to the mag, J. Lo herself registered on the Rock the Vote Web site the same day she filmed the spot.

If there's anyone, and I mean anyone that could inspire me to take up the boring "politics" business, it'd be J. Lo.

I think the problem with MTV's Rock the Vote campaign is that it encourages irresponsible voting. The emphasis is on voter registry and actually voting for someone, rather than making an informed choice. I think, in the last election, they just had some kind of interview with Al Gore, as well as all of their service announcements.

MTV has its heart in the right place, trying to inspire teenagers to go out and exercise their right to vote, but it's doing it poorly. It'd be a whole lot better if they presented the candidates' beliefs, their arguments for them, and the arguments against them, and should they see someone they agree with, they're free to register so they can vote. [Of course, hopefully MTV would be right-minded enough to convince everyone that libertarian views are the correct ones. Ahem.]

And Lopez isn't the only diva talking politics. Madonna is hooking her wagon to Democratic presidential hopeful Wesley Clark. "I think he has a good handle on foreign policy, I think he's good with people, and I think he has a heart and a consciousness," Madonna tells CNN of the retired general. "He's interested in spirituality -- I mean, those things mean a lot to me." Says the Clark campaign, "We're delighted with the endorsement of a superstar for our four-star."

Oh my god! Clark has a heart and a consciousness? Jesus Christ! Only, like... eleventy billion people have those!

2003-12-18T19:32:00.000-06:00

Gettin' a talkin' to

Alex Tabarrok talks about the possibility of professor obsolescence, and Amy Lamboley responds:

It seems to me that the problem is not so much with the coming obselescence of professors, but of the silliness of the large lecture hall as a classroom experience. In my four years of college, I got almost nothing out of the lecture classes I took. I either skipped them, snoozed through them, or took largely useless notes in an attempt to avoid offending the professor by nodding off. To my mind, at least, the lecture class should have been rendered obsolete back in the sixteenth century by the invention of the printing press--the page being a much more efficient means of communication.

As good of a point as she makes, I have to disagree. The written word is an excellent means of communicating ideas and teaching people, but sometimes, it too can fall short, particularly in the case of boring material. When some subject is boring, it's really helpful to have some professor that cares about the subject in question go through and find the things you actually need to know.

Not only can they weed out irrelevant information and help emphasize the important aspects, but they can make it really enjoyable to. I've found that things stick in my memory much better when I'm lectured about them, rather than when I read them. I take notes in class, but never need them because I remember the material really well when the professor explains it. It's not that it's too complicated - it's just that listening to someone talk improves my focus. Reading the material in the textbook after a lecture also becomes easier, because then I know what to pay attention to.

I love books. Problem is, sometimes it's just more fun to partake in the more interactive experience.

2003-12-18T19:19:00.000-06:00

He's REALLY freedom fightiiiiing

Drizz has a great post about the increase of freedom around the world. You should read it. Also, to anyone who's not fully convinced of basic libertarian, freedom-loving ideas, you should follow all of his links in the last three paragraphs.

2003-12-18T19:10:00.000-06:00

I shook the armadillo's hand

Before I even get to the subject, observe how weird the word shook looks when it's spelled. Looks has practically the same letters, and almost in the same order, but it doesn't look quite as puzzling. Huh.

Anyway, I met a mascot armadillo today. He was at the mall advertising for a restaurant called The Texas Roadhouse. Well, I used my brilliant inductive reasoning skills and noticed that this is the south, it is called The Texas Roadhouse, and there's an armadillo advertising for it - leading me to the conclusion that the roadhouse there sells roadkill. I really wanted to point out that I had two large pizzas in my other hand while shaking his, clearly letting him know that I wasn't dining at his fine establishment tonight! But that'd just be mean.

Besides, he was friendly. The mall Santa's an asshole.

2003-12-18T12:06:00.000-06:00

Cojo?

Yes, Cojo. Are you people really that culturally inept? Frickin' Cojo! Actually, not only do I forgive you for not knowing who he is, but I'd even go as far as to say I envy you for exactly the same reason. It's him! I'm assuming most people will at least recognize him as that crazy fashion guy, and that's halfway there.

The problem isn't homophobia, and I'm not annoyed by flamboyance. The problem is the fact that Cojo thinks he's a sixteen year-old girl. Jesus, man, watch his show on VH1. He's like a giddy little school girl, all giddied and schoolgirled up, and I don't mean schoolgirled up in the most men's pornographic fantasy sense.

I'd like to think he spent his teen years reading teen girls' magazines, and I also assume he just does. Unfair and unfounded? You bet. A good guess? Hell yes. People think Michael Jackson's crazy because he thinks he's Peter Pan, and, in delusions of grandeur, a twelve year-old boy. Cojo acts the same way, just... without molesting people.

2003-12-16T23:37:00.000-06:00

Everybody was free-dom fightiiiiing!

A recent comment made here prompted me to think about how exactly I feel on foreign policy. Especially with Saddam’s capture, it seems like a great topic of discussion.

Perhaps the best place to start is by recognizing that I certainly don’t agree with America’s current foreign policies. No, I didn’t oppose the war with Iraq. Although, retrospectively, it wasn’t the best use of America’s resources. Though, it did do a lot of good in the way of extending freedom, and so far, I’d say the benefits still outweigh the costs.

Still, what of all the other, equally brutal regimes? The problem is, also retrospectively, there hasn’t been much in the way of evidence supporting the weapons of mass destruction claims, which were the most important reason to go to Iraq. Plenty of countries suffer under brutal dictatorships, but we don’t free them because they don’t pose an immediate threat as of yet. Iraq was important because it did. Well, supposedly. And maybe it did, but so far, the incriminating evidence hasn’t been accounted for, which seems to suggest that maybe we were wrong.

So of course, maybe we just went to free the Iraqi people? Great! I love freedom! Then, why aren’t we extending it to every other country? The biggest problem with American foreign policy is hypocrisy. Look, either we love freedom, and we’ll promise to take out every asshole dictator wanting to enslave his people, or we’ll stay out of foreign affairs as a matter of principle. I think our freedom fighting would be looked upon more kindly if it weren’t a very selective game of favorites.

Which brings us to the valid question, “how can we force freedom?” Well, you can’t. The thing is, by overthrowing dictators, you aren’t forcing freedom. Freedom is man’s natural state - overthrowing a brutal dictator is just removing an external problem that doesn’t have to, and moreover, shouldn’t exist. The best example of this is the man who kills a rapist caught in the act in order to save a woman’s life, but on a much larger scale.

But what makes us the right people to do it? Wouldn’t establishing a “right to overthrow” that pits leaders against each other result in chaos? Couldn’t everyone just start wars with anyone they wanted to? Well, yes, they certainly could. That’s ignoring the fact that they can now, easily enough.

As for whether it’s morally acceptable for America to free nations, my answer leans towards the “no” end of the spectrum. Yes, America’s technically the freest nation around, but that’s not enough. The problem is that even America, in all of its ostensibly liberty-loving glory, does not respect freedom. Sure, we have the freedom to say what we want, to vote, and so on. But what of the freedom to keep the money we’re earned if we so choose? What of the freedom for a media owner to use his property the way he wants to? What about the freedom to ingest whatever substances we may please, into our own bodies? Our freedoms to not wear seatbelts, our freedoms to sell unhealthy food; essentially, our freedom to do what we will as long as we aren’t violating the same freedoms of others? Simply put, they’re not recognized, and that’s a problem. How can America righteously defend its ability to liberate the world, to spread the ideals and effects of freedom, when it can’t even practice freedom as a matter of principle itself?

Freedom isn’t something that can be half-assed. Either you recognize a man’s fundamental right to life and all that it entails, or you see the people’s liberties as always up for the taking, one by one as you see fit. That’s how a simple organization that started out as a set of rules and regulations, guaranteeing most of man’s freedoms devolved into a matriarchal monstrosity that feels the need to protect people from their actions, the consequences, and most fundamentally, their own responsibility.

Even the most brutal dictatorships recognize some freedoms. There isn’t a magical number of recognized freedoms that instantly turns a country from fascist to free. It wouldn’t be acceptable for Nazi Germany to have overthrown a more brutal dictatorship, because it’s only establishing one of its own.

If America supported freedom as a matter of principle, rather than when it seems “okay” to legislators, then I would say we have the right to overthrow dictatorships, even if it involved forcibly removing them from power. The reason is that it doesn’t further violate anyone’s rights. It has, in effect, returned to them the very rights which were so wrongfully taken from them. In returning the world to a state of liberty, nothing bad or evil would be taking place - it would force people off of their crutches so they take responsibility for themselves, but that could hardly be considered a bad thing. Afterwards, they could help themselves to whatever they want in life, provided they don’t infringe upon someone’s liberties in the process.

Unfortunately, that kind of idealistic, utopian world is far off. I doubt it’d be any time even remotely soon, considering the incredible changes involved. Perhaps a free world like that never will come about. Maybe, as so many pessimists have remarked, it’s just human nature to harm other people. But hey, we’ve altered so many other aspects of nature - why not that one?

2003-12-15T21:25:00.000-06:00

Kill Bill post number eleventy billion

Actually, it's more like the third, but three, being halfway there, was rounded up. This one isn't just about how awesome I think the movie is. No, this one has much more of an important purpose - defending the most amazing piece of cinema ever, the film that has completely validated my existence, from The Flick Filosopher. So, anyone who hasn't seen the movie but still wants to may not want to read.

I noticed her review of it earlier, and couldn't help but disagree, and even get offended at this:

Thurman (The Avengers, GATTACA) is a former member of the all-girl Deadly Viper Assassination Squad -- the name is perfectly full of love and snark -- out for revenge after the rest of the squad tries to kill her on her wedding day. Why kill her? We don't know. Doesn't matter. It's Tarantino's excuse for a bunch of scary babes, the kind the fanboys love to be terrified of, to fight each other while he ransacks genre film.

We don't know why they want to kill her? For someone who's supposed to be reviewing it, she didn't pay much attention at all. It's never explicitly stated, but it's painfully obvious, that The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad is trying to kill her because she was getting out of it. In the second scene of the movie, when The Bride is talking to Vernita Green, they clearly introduce the characters' old code names, The Bride's being Black Mamba.

Ah, but then comes the tricky, as well as unbelievably cool part; Vernita Green, a.k.a. Copperhead, "got out," but the Squad didn't go after her. Why? Do you remember the very beginning of the movie?

Bill: "This is me at my most... masochistic."
The Bride: "Bill, it's your [unclear]."

Yes, it's unclear, but it really sounds like she's telling Bill that it's his baby. Not only that, but it would explain why Bill wanted her dead. He doesn't want her settling down and raising his baby with some other man, so he decides to kill her. A good reason to? No. A valid explanation for the attempted murder? Certainly yes.

2003-12-15T16:17:00.000-06:00

Oh my God, they're manhandling Santa! Oh, wait.

What is there to write about? NO! Not Saddam. See, I'm really glad he's gone. In fact, as soon as I saw it online, I turned on the TV as quickly as possible to confirm it. The internet may lie, but TV never will. Then of course I talked to various associates about it, and it made for a good, liberty-loving discussion. The one thing I won't do though, is blog about it. I have a number of reasons, all of them good. First, everyone else already has it covered. It's pretty pointless for me to say anything, since you know what I think already, and any information I could contribute would just be yanked from some other blog.

Actually, that's just one big, good reason, and that's probably enough to prove my point.

Anyway, my mind isn't racing with ideas the way I'd really like it to, so I'll probably post something later.

2003-12-13T13:26:00.000-06:00

Insanity

A defense psychiatrist for sniper Lee Boyd Malvo has testified that Malvo “displayed a pathological loyalty” to John Allen Muhammad, and could no longer differentiate right and wrong. The argument goes that Malvo was just Muhammad’s puppet, and was practically merged with him.

The insanity defense is attempted in less than 1% of court cases, and it usually fails. Hopefully, it will again. Legal insanity is defined as the inability to distinguish right from wrong at the time of criminal actions. Two psychiatrists diagnosed Malvo with a dissociative disorder which led to distorted visions of reality. Problem is, Malvo felt conflicted about the shooting of a thirteen year-old boy, saying that killing children was wrong, yet he still did it. He was told by Muhammad that if his conscience was bothering him, he “should lock it up in a box and throw away the key.”

Is that what led to is failure to distinguish right from wrong? His voluntary choice to listen to Muhammad, and suppress his moral feelings about his actions? This sort of “learned insanity” shouldn’t be considered insanity at all. If a person willingly submits themself to moral confusion, then they’ve made a perfectly informed choice. Malvo was aware of the immorality of his past and future actions, but he chose to ignore this fact, and commit the crimes anyway? More importantly, he could potentially be punished less because he made himself mentally helpless?

The case leads to the even more far-reaching issue of whether legal insanity is even a legitimate concept. First of all, there are cases like Malvo’s, where it’s possible to train yourself into “insanity.”

Secondly, the insanity defense is lenient on people based on their ignorance. People receive preferential treatment for their own failure to grasp important moral concepts. I seem to remember being repeatedly told that ignorance shouldn’t pardon you for breaking the law. If I don’t see a red light, should I be forgiven because of my ignorance? Or, like Malvo, if I close my eyes twenty seconds before I get to the light, will I be excused if I accidentally run it?

Even if you think people should be forgiven for their ignorance of laws, consider how easy it could be to fake it. Maybe “insane” people are just putting on a fabulous show. How do you even determine legal insanity? By present actions and testimony? Present actions and recollective testimony are supposed to determine someone’s mental state and content at the time of an incident that could have taken place anywhere from an hour to years ago? It’s impossible enough as it is to understand subjective mental states in the present, but we’re taking the past and playing a wicked guessing game with such an important issue?

Legal insanity also established a dangerous principle; that mental content and feelings are more important than the actions you take. Carried out in principle, we should probably just punish people who want to kill others, because they want to even when they know it’s wrong. The law would be punishing people, or in this case, changing the severity of punishment for people, based on how they felt at the time, not on what they actually did. The problem is that the law, functioning properly, is supposed to protect us from actions, not thoughts. The fact that someone “didn’t know” doesn’t make them any less guilty of a crime, any less dangerous to others, and most importantly, any more deserving of punishment.

This isn’t to say that some people don't have legitimate psychological disorders, or that they shouldn’t receive treatment for them, but to relieve them of harsher sentences because of it? It seems a little unfair to exclude everyone else, just because they knew what they were doing.

2003-12-12T10:52:00.000-06:00

Die, kiddies!

Horan also questioned Blumberg about why Malvo did not recant until June. By then, it would have been clear to Malvo that he could not have been executed for the Cook and Johnson killings, Horan said, because Washington state and Maryland do not execute juveniles. Malvo was 17 at the time of the killings.

I'd never really considered it before, but that's a really idiotic law. By that logic, if I decided to kill someone the day before I turn eighteen, I wouldn't get executed. Looks like timing is everything. The problem is, now, should it ever come up in some form of political discourse, I'll have to admit that I am in favor of executing children.

Not! I just think we should enslave criminals. It's a lot more efficient.

2003-12-11T23:27:00.000-06:00

Since everyone's doing it, and I'm a follower all the way, I took that test that determines who your idea candidates are. Check it out:

1. Your ideal theoretical candidate. (100%)
2. Libertarian Candidate (73%)
3. Bush, President George W. - Republican (59%)
4. Gephardt, Rep. Dick, MO - Democrat (52%)
5. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (39%)
6. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (38%)
7. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (38%)
8. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (33%)
9. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (30%)
10. Lieberman, Senator Joe, CT - Democrat (26%)
11. Kucinich, Rep. Dennis, OH - Democrat (26%)
12. Clark, Retired General Wesley K., AR - Democrat (22%)
13. Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol, IL - Democrat (15%)
14. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (9%)

I'm a little concerned about how high up there people like Gephardt and Dean are. Bush should be lower, too. And it seems like Libertarian should be pretty much all the way up there at 100%. I wonder if whoever the hell the Libertarian candidates are happen to be pussing out on some issues. I would hope not. Then I stop and remember it's just an online quiz. Yeah.

2003-12-11T13:07:00.000-06:00

I don't have much to write at the moment, so enjoy a brilliant letter I read today.

In his Dec. 4 column, Walter Cronkite is rather smug in his self-righteousness as he bashes conservatives because we fight for an orderly society where individual rights are balanced with societal rights ("Christian conservatives pushing moderates too hard"). He implies individual rights are sacrosanct. That idea, taken to the extreme, is called anarchy.

Sodomy, polygamy, prostitution, and certain drugs have been banned. All these bans are likely to fall, however, given the direction of our society for the past 40 years. Using Mr. Cronkite's logic, we shouldn't ban the use of drugs while driving because, after all, we are depriving one of his right to imbibe. We shouldn't require the use of seat belts because that restricts a person's freedom of choice.

Interestingly, another article on the same date covered an incident in Germany where a "kook" solicited another German who agreed to have himself killed and eaten ("Admitted cannibal says he merely granted death wish"). Both men were in their 40s. Now, that is the ultimate in individual rights.

I'd be tempted to say that was satirical if some people weren't so stupid.

2003-12-10T00:39:00.000-06:00

It’s election time again. Alright, so it’s not. It’s a year away from election time again, and that of course means people are talking about who’s going to be president next. Or at least a little more so than they’ve already been doing the past few years. Anyway, following Gore’s endorsement of Howard Dean, I’d like to remind people of, if not introduce to the first time, some of the other candidates. The underdogs, the people’s people. You know, the one’s who’re guaranteed a loss but still piss their money away.

This week’s candidate is Captain Kurt Kickass. Kurt was born thirty years ago in a log cabin, Lincoln style. Now, the intelligent among you may be asking how he could possibly run if he’s only thirty. That’s Kurt’s game - he’s counting on the uneducated masses to vote for him. Surely, if everyone does, there’ll be a huge protest in his favor, and the man will let THE man be the new man. If there’s anything protesters have taught us, it’s that signs, chants, and Noam Chomsky are always producing results.

Kurt struggled through early life, because of his original name; Montaigne. I suppose many would wonder how a guy with a distinguished last name like Montaigne ended up with a child-molesteresque name like Kurt. This leads me to wonder how you didn’t know I’m making this up.

Anyway, Kurt was always made fun of as a child. One particularly lame bully asked “Montaigne? Ready to feel some Mont-PAIN!?” Safe to say, the bully was beaten up by all of the other bullies, and eventually became Kurt’s best friend. Well, by the ripe old age of twelve, Kurt had had just about enough. He decided when he turned eighteen, he’d legally change his name to Kickass. And so he did.

Later in life, through hard work and dedication that could only be displayed by a man with a name of Kickass, Kurt became a commander of some army somewhere. His military career was uneventful, with the exception that he served in the Cold War, fetching things from the freezer. [Ha-ha-ha! It was a joke. Ehhh? Ah? Hey, screw you.]

After retiring from the military - well, more like being discharged for lame jokes, Kurt decided to run for governor. Then he decided not to. After all, failing to win the position of governor makes you look kinda bad. So he set his sights higher, on president. After all, it’s much harder to win, and no one will regard you as a failure if you fail. Look at Bob Dole. Wait, no, Ralph Nader. That’s the one. He still manages to be admired by all kinds of super-important celebrities, like Anti-Flag.

As his first order of business, Captain Kickass will issue an official order for the spelling of captain to be changed to kaptain, making him Kaptain Kurt Kickass. Many would denounce him for his alleged ties to the KKK, but then you’d have to ask if they’d say the same thing about the organization Kids for Kurt Kickass. If so, they must be some kind of child haters.

You’re not a child hater, are you? Then what’s wrong with Kurt Kickass? His lack of experience? Oh, wait, you hate children for that too, don’t you? You don’t? Then kick some ass, and vote Kickass.

2003-12-09T09:12:00.000-06:00

I actually listened to my audioblog post, and man, I can't believe I sound that nerdy. I suppose it should have been expected but... well, but it wasn't.

Now, where the hell did all of you readers go today?

2003-12-08T14:44:00.000-06:00

audio post powered by audblog

2003-12-08T14:33:00.000-06:00

Despite the fact that it has no bearing on reality whatsoever, I saw my horoscope in the paper today, and it said I've been working hard, and need to take a break. Well, I have been working moderately hard, so it's break time!

Yep... Doing a lot. In my break-induced boredom, I actually listened to the audioblog post on Blogger's home page, and I've gotta tell you, it sucked. I want to try the free audioblog post, but I'm concerned I'd sound like that guy. The only feasible solution seems to be to write out a script, but that defeats the point of audioblogging. Or, at least half the point. The point is to just start talking, bringing everyone to the realization that a lot of writers are infnitely less articulate while talking than they are when they're thinking and writing.

I said there was one solution to the problem, but I lied. I'm a dirty liar like that. The only other thing I can think of is to try thinking out what I'm going to say as I'm saying it. Basically, I'll just try to keep track of what I'm saying, and hope to avoid saying anything utterly stupid. But if there's anything going on Matt's radio show has taught me, it's that I really suck at talking well if people I don't know are listening. The whole public speaking business just doesn't work for me, primarily because I don't know what the audience wants. What the hell is your problem, audience!? Must you be so attentive and unresponsive? I need feedback while I'm saying stuff, or I get really out of line, and mind-blowingly stupid.

So I'm not sure if there'll be an audioblog. If there is, when will it be? Tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? Next month!?

2003-12-07T18:17:00.000-06:00

The downtime the other day wasn't just an isolated incident. Oh no. Blogger was down pretty much all day. See, when I'm not inspired to write, that's a pretty frivolous detail, and, with the exception of wishing a few other Blog*Spotters were able to update, I really don't care. But when I can't sleep, wake up early in the morning, and suddenly feel like writing a spur-of-the-moment, prosaic post about 6:30 AM insomnia, I expect to be able to. But I wasn't. So here I am, about twelve hours later, complaining about the lack of posting ability, rather than try to salvage my thoughts and piece the original one together.

On a completely unrelated note, I've been getting increased linkage, which I'd like to thank everyone for. I also blogroll everyone that blogrolls me. The cool part about this is that almost all the time, I'm the one getting the awesome end of the deal, because they all usually get more traffic than I do. [That's right, suckers! (Caveat: Unlink me and you die! By that I mean please don't unlink me because of my hilarious douchebaggery.)]

Then of course, I have to link to some people just because they said something really important. In this case, it's LeeAnn for helping me fix my porn spoof of The Cat in the Hat. I didn't actually change the post, but it's in the comments, and that's halfway there.

Also, I moved the post time dealie up to the top. It'll be helpful should anyone link a post. That way, if someone links to, say, my post about adult film titles, they won't be directing people to whatever was posted before that. Problem is, it doesn't look as cool. Hmm... still a fair price to pay.

2003-12-05T22:54:00.000-06:00

I changed the commenting system to HaloScan. I wasn't getting any comments, and assumed the comments just weren't working. That, or people just weren't commenting. Either way, HaloScan seems more reliable than Enetation, so should someone actually, you know, feel like commenting, they'll at least have the ability to now.

2003-12-05T15:34:00.000-06:00

I'm at exactly one thousand hits right now. Not spectacular compared to some people's hit counts, but it's a milestone to some degree. Then again, it'd be much higher had I not reset the 800 something visits I had back in September. Or whenever it was. Thanks primarily to Don for more than doubling my popularity.

2003-12-05T10:12:00.000-06:00

Alright, I typed this out in a hurry last night, and I have to warn at least two of my readers that they probably won't like it. So, hey - I know at least two of you specifically that won't like it. Now that that's out of the way, I DO in fact recgonize the "immaturity" of the content, and to all of those with complaints I say this isn't the 1600s!

Aspiring to be a porn director, I have some ideas. Rather than come up with brilliantly original stuff, mine will be spoofs of movies already existing. They'll just have a whole lot of sex.

Fuck Chuck:

Fuck Chuck is the porno version of Kill Bill. In it, the heroine pursues her one goal in life - to fuck Chuck. Instead of Kill Bill’s opening scene with The Bride shot with a gun in the head, she's shot with a wang. That's not blood on her face this time!

Homo’s Odyssey:

Homer’s Odyssey redone for a much more horny generation. Oddly enough, this is incredibly true to the spirit of ancient Greek times, what with the man love and all.

The 25th Second:

Original concept from The 25th hour. Deals with a man facing the problem of premature ejaculation, and chronicles the twenty five seconds he has to enjoy his freedom and sexual happenings.

The Cat on the Mat:

A bestiality film inspired by the Dr. Seuss Classic.

Sperminator 3:

Maybe it lacks incredible originality, but hey, so did the film it’s based on. That didn’t change the fact that it was cool. Since Terminator 3 was cool because of its explosive action, this film will have to stay true to that, with explosive action of the orgasmic kind.

Thus Spoke Zarathrustra:

Since most people don’t even know how to say/spell the name Zarathustra in the first place, they might miss out on the slight change. This is a porno for intellectuals, dealing with the death of God, and what’s done to him after it. Some necrophilia, because that’s the best a lot of intellectuals could hope for. It’ll help keep them focused on reality.

2003-12-04T21:20:00.000-06:00

I already wrote about how I thought Dean would be good, were his policies not so, you know, bad. I didn't actually provide any support about the policies statement, until now. Fortunately, Reasonable Man has provided a transcript of Dean's interview with Chris Matthews. You really should read the whole post, because hey, it's important stuff. But for pragmatic purposes, I'm just using a portion of it:

DEAN: Yes, we’re going to break up giant media enterprises. That doesn’t mean we’re going to break up all of GE.
What we’re going to do is say that media enterprises can’t be as big as they are today. I don’t think we actually have to break them up, which Teddy Roosevelt had to do with the leftovers from the McKinley administration.
(CROSSTALK)
MATTHEWS: ... regulate them.
DEAN: You have got to say that there has to be a limit as to how-if the state has an interest, which it does, in preserving democracy, then there has to be a limitation on how deeply the media companies can penetrate every single community. To the extent of even having two or three or four outlets in a single community, that kind of information control is not compatible with democracy.
MATTHEWS: How-how far would you go in terms of public policy?
(APPLAUSE)
MATTHEWS: This is not-what you describe is not laissez-faire.
It’s not capitalism.
DEAN: It is capitalism.
MATTHEWS: How would you-what would you call it?
DEAN: I am absolutely a capitalist. Capitalism is the greatest system that people have ever invented, because it takes advantage of bad traits, as well as our good traits, and turns them into productivity.
But the essence of capitalism, which the right-wing never understands
” it always baffles me-is, you got to have some rules. Imagine a hockey game with no rules."

If his last statement were true, I'd be all over Dean. I'd vote for him if I could, I'd visit his website, I'd get a Dean bumper sticker, I'd talk about how great Dean is. Hell, I'd even buy Jimmy Dean sausage, just for the sake of supporting things with the name Dean on them. And I hate sausage! But, unfortunately, it's not true.

Capitalism n. An economic system in which the means of production and distribution are privately or corporately owned and development is proportionate to the accumulation and reinvestment of profits gained in a free market.

If the government decided to start merging and breaking companies as it saw fit, it seems to me that it's then assumed the right to dispose of the companies and their resources, and hence, established its property rights to the companies. In other words, it's established a kind of government ownership. Maybe the dictionary is some kind of crazy right-wing conspiracy. Forget I said anything.

Rules = Okay. Government intervention = Not Okay. People shouldn't lie, steal, and cheat, and the government shouldn't screw with people as long as they aren't doing any of those. That sounds like a system of rules to me. For supposedly being such a champion of democracy, he doesn't seem to realize that rules should be applied to the people as well as the government, so things don't get... tyrannical and such.

Dean should go back to drawing syrup from trees. At least then he couldn't tell Aunt Jemima how to sell it.

2003-12-04T20:52:00.000-06:00

"Blogger, you assface! Stop being such an assface!" That's the general idea of what I was thinking earlier. Unfortunately, my inner monologue isn't nearly that well-composed or articulate, but that's the kind of lying writing allows me to do. And that's why I love it.

The point is, Blogger wasn't working for me. [A lot of people say Blog*Spot, which is technically what's in the URL, and on some little dealies in some little places, but the logo on the blog editing thing says Blogger, and there's a button that says the site's powered by Blogger, and that's enough for me.] So, anyway, apologies to anyone who visited at any point on this fine Thursday and got disappointed because it looked like I was just being remiss in my posting duties.

Bite me, Potsy!

2003-12-03T20:32:00.000-06:00

I have a tendency to have wacky dreams. I know everyone does, but it makes for much better writing if I pretend I'm the only one faced with this pressing problem. My dream didn't involve cliches like showing up somewhere naked or being terrified to find out that socialists took over the world, and nothing bad happened. NO. This was far worse. See, Ron Howard and I were paintballing. Cunningham was like The Fonz of the paintball arena.

Before I continue with the story, I feel the need to point out that I've never met Ron Howard, gone paintballing, or fantasized about The Fonz. Back on track...

So, Ron and I were on the same team. We were awesoming it up; or rather, he was awesoming it up. We were up against a lot of neighborhood kids in treefort-like structures, even though my neighborhood doesn't have any tree forts, and I'd never seen said neighborhood kids before. So I suppose you'd say it was a totally new, random setting, with new, random people. But the little implicit plot told me that those were the neighborhood kids, so I'll stick with that explanation.

Well, Ron told me something about my technique, so I shot him. I forget why. Then, completely unaffected, he shoots me. He's not just firing a retaliation shot, either - he knows what he wants, and that is to haul ass. Needless to say, there was a lot of dream pain involved, at which point I woke up. All I know is that if I ever meet him, his ass is going down. Going down hardcore.

2003-12-03T10:28:00.000-06:00

Despite all of my talk about taking down Don's credibility with all of his peers, he's still supporting me. Supporting being a euphemism for pimping with maximum linkage! Or at least I think so. Anyway, the important point is that judging by that, I'm assuming I haven't let him down yet.

Though, as soon as I typed that, I remembered when he decided he'd stop blogging. He couldn't back then, because he's too damn good. But what if... what if he screwed up, say, by throwing so much support to me, eventually disappointing everyone. Then it'd be much easier to quit. If I could shake my fist in a hilarious rage, I'd do it, Watkins.

Paranoia aside, today was the last day of lectures at school. My last final is on Tuesday, and then I'm free for a little over a month. I'm hoping that'll mean I'll get to catch up on my sleep. I'm hoping that, coupled with the increase in free time, will make for some cooler writing. In turn, I'm hop - er... ... well, I don't have a synonym for it, so yes, I'm hoping that'll work to my advantage and possibly bring the readership up. Should none of these happen, I'll at least still have a lot of free time.

2003-12-02T13:56:00.000-06:00

Remember fairly recently when some Texas A&M students sold cookies based on the principles of affirmative action? I think Asians were charged a dollar, whites 75 cents, blacks 50, and so on. Well, lately, the students have been getting a lot of backlash in the paper.

I read the two responses Saturday to your editorial on the Aggie "bake sale." When will white people get it? An insult is an insult is an insult. These young whites weren't looking for "dialogue" regarding affirmative action, as one respondent wrote.

Wait wait wait. When will white people get it? Seems to me that statement kinda proves the fact that the pro-affirmative action letter writer isn't exactly concerned with stemming the tides of racism and discrimination, but really just in favor of advancing a few select people on the basis of race. Notice that the term "white people" is even used as a pejorative term.

Moreover, the bake sale wasn't an insult. It wasn't designed to demonstrate the inferiority of any race. The bake sale was set up to put into practice the flawed ideas behind affirmative action policies by making things easier for some just because of their race.

The Young Conservatives of Texas remind me of the Brown Shirts of pre-World War II Nazi Germany. Unfortunately, people didn't take them seriously until it was too late.

That comparison is really out of line. Said young conservatives of Texas don't have any intention to kill anyone, especially not based on race. Perhaps the man missed the entire point of the bake sale, which was against the idea that race should be considered a factor at all when evaluating personal merit.

2003-12-01T21:10:00.000-06:00

Drizz is hassling Matt Drudge for his hassling Howard Dean. No, Drizz and I aren't some kind of crazy socialist Dean apologists. We just enjoy consistency.

Anyway, as you might have seen in my comment on the post, Howard Dean looks like he knows what he wants. It'd be great if he were correctly-inclined in all things political, social, and philosophical. He has a lot of confidence, he's damn passionate, and looks generally frightening when he really gets into it/gets pissed off. Imagine the man leading our country. Well, leading it, were he disposed to lead it in the right direction, but taking charge nonetheless. He looks like a man who'd take charge, but unfortunately, that's about as much as I can give the man.

2003-12-01T10:25:00.000-06:00

In what is possibly the worst happening in the history of the universe, Don Watkins decided to stop blogging. That's... like... NO! At least, should he decide to never come back for real, he's given us a lot. A whole damn lot. From the glory days of serious philosophical posts, to the even-more-glorious-yet days of hilarity, I personally think he's committed more in the way of cool content than anyone else. Rarely do I laugh at things I read, but the man is just hilarious!

Damn.

2003-11-29T00:27:00.000-06:00

Hey guys. I hope none of us have forgotten the valuable lessons anarchists and hippies of the past have taught us. Namely, that it's right to rebel regardless of circumstances. IT IS RIGHT TO REBEL. Don't you feel energized? Man, I sure do hate The Man.

So George Bush Jr. is a hero cuz he went to Baghdad for Thanksgiving? Let's see that muthafucka roll down one of the main streets without any bodyguards. Bitch....

Yeah dawg, true niggaz roll without some weak sauce posse backin' 'em up. Like 50 Cent. Er... well, like gangsters. Nah, wait man... like... hey! I don't roll with a posse! I'm hardcore, you guys! I really am!

Ah, this does feel good to vent. What else? Thanksgiving????? What the hell should I be thankful for??? Yes I'm thankful for my family and my friends. That's about it. Should I be thankful like my parents tell me that I'm in a position more fortunate than others when I'm not happy with it???? That's like telling someone who's starving to be thankful cuz she's thin.

Yeah, and we tell fat people to be thankful because their corpulence is a sign of their comfortable, successful lifestyle. Shouldn't these less fortunate people be thankful that they haven't been tainted by the wretched commercialism you hate so much?

I still live in a fascist society that glorifies fucking over the next man for profit.

Okay, so maybe we've betrayed our Puritan roots, but hookers are great!

I'm supposed to celebrate the fact that the indigenous people died because they saved a bunch of ungrateful devils too stupid to live off the land??? I didnt know Holocausts were supposed to be holidays. Fuck Thanksgiving.

I thought Thanksgiving was established back when there was a sense of comraderie between the Indians and we whities. You know, long before the killing began.

Oh, and to whatever FBI agent that's reading this and taking notes: What kind of shitty ass job do you have when you have to sit there and read the shit that I type down? Don't you just feel pathetic? I bet your mom's real proud.

FBI agents? Blogs? Paranoia? Where the hell are all of these frightening new terms coming from? OH NO! The government has a new agency for word creation! We're all gonna die!

2003-11-28T23:13:00.000-06:00

Observe warning signs. Texas state law.

OOHH, state law. Are the police sitting on the side of the road with binoculars, ready to catch people failing to check out the warning signs? Or better yet, do they have some sort of device to monitor brain activity, particularly that which involves sign observation? Imagine Texas's dystopian future!

Upstanding young man: Evening officer. Is there a problem?

Cop: Nah, I just pulled you over to check out that sexy leather interior.

Upstanding young man: Ah. Well, here it is. Nice?

Cop: I should beat you right now for being a jackass.

Upstanding young man: Uh-

Cop: I didn't see you reading that sign.

Upstanding young man: What sign?

Cop: Exactly. Afraid I'm going to have to write you a ticket, as well as fasten the latest in trendy head gear to you. Well, it's pretty old actually. A Clockwork Orange did it a long time ago, but retro's in!

Yep, they'll be good times. Maybe bad for liberty, rights, freedom, and all of that crap that no one cares about anymore, but they'd be good for comical situations.

[Disclaimer: I do in fact know what they meant by the sign, but the wording was funny, and I liked it too much to pass up. No heckling!]

2003-11-28T12:27:00.000-06:00

The line at Best Buy literally went around the store and even through the aisles. Looks like Buy Nothing Day isn't working out too well for Adbusters. Score one for commercialism!

In other semi-Thanksgiving/Post-Thanksgiving news, did anyone see how buff Glenn Reynolds is? Look! Maybe it's the fact that he spends a whole lot of time on the computer in typical nerd fashion, because I pictured him being thin and weak, or just overweight, of course. But man! He looks like he's ready to rumble. He probably hunted and killed the turkey himself with his bare hands. Better yet, a condor. Reynolds doesn't settle for weak crap like turkey for Thanksgiving, he goes for the man meals, because he's a man.

2003-11-26T13:14:00.000-06:00

Snoop Blog! Something tells me that he doesn't actually write any of that, though. I've never imagined the D-O Double G being the most intelligent of niggaz, so the surprisingly good, and fairly error-free composition seem to suggest that he has someone writing for it.

But maybe not. Maybe weed really does just kill the bad brain cells.

2003-11-26T11:07:00.000-06:00

Lots of random thoughts came to me on the drive home from school this morning.

First of all, I saw a guy applying deodorant in his car today. While driving!!! I think it's time I contacted a local representative to forcibly prohibit deodorant application in moving vehicles. Since I'm too much of a pussy to give the guy some friendly nudging/ramming off the road to solve the problem, the government'll do it for me. That's just the way democracy works.

ALSO! Most importantly, the car hit 18,666 miles, so I was understandably compelled to think about Satan. You'd do it too! After a few delightful, comedic Satanic thoughts about toasting babies, it was serious reflection time. I started wondering why 666 was chosen as the "mark of the beast" when it finally occured to me. Use the logic of the number 69 and all of its practical applications, and you'll see what I mean. Threesomes! More specifically, the structure of the number could easily imply GAY threesomes. (I wanna be Lucky Pierre!)

I guess this'd also explain why South Park promulgated the idea that Satan was gay.

2003-11-25T13:20:00.000-06:00

Of course, now my reputation depends on you coming up with quality blogs each day...enjoy the pressure. Heh.

Unfortunately, that does imply a whole damn lot of pressure. But, with that pressure, a whole damn lot of power, too. Think about it. I could ruin Don's reputation, or at least the part of it that involves recommending people. I could probably bring a lot of people down with him, too. Everyone will think that Don's sense of judgement is severly impaired, so they'll start doing the opposite of what he says. People will start to hate Frank J., just because Don likes him so much.

Well, now that I can envision the consequences of sucking, I need to come up with a plan to do it. Never posting again won't work. Everyone will just assume I died, and not only will Don's reputation not be hurt, he'll be able to capitalize on it and get sympathy hits because one of his linked associates died. I've established that the plan is going to depend on me either offending people, making them cringe, or boring them. Maybe a good mix of all three.

First step: Offend the good readers. I'll just go down Don's blogroll list and spam everyone's comments. They'll come and visit my blog out of anger and potential retaliation, and realize that I'm the guy Don's always praising. He must be just as bad! [Also, since everyone will want to come and post retaliatory spam here, I would disable comments. OH! Burrrrrrrrrrrrn!!]

Second step: Everyone hates stupidity. Well, except stupid people, but they're just stupid, so screw them. I'll constantly make references to how "Erik loves the white bitches!" as well as what True Niggaz do. The next time Don says anything about a blog roll, people will respond with "Roll out! *pksh pksh pksh* Roll out!"

Failing that, I'll talk about how numb I am and how heartbroken I am. I might form an emo band. We'll hurt your ears as much as we hurt your heart. Of course, we'll say Don's in it. Everyone'll love him.

Third step: I'm going to be honest here. I thought I had a third step, or could at least make one up, but I kind of blanked out. I'm sure you guys can all come up with something that bores you. Pretend I said I'd do that as the third step.

2003-11-25T11:57:00.000-06:00

On Friday, November 28th, the anti-corporate organization Adbusters proposes to hold a “Buy Nothing Day,” where people are encouraged to refrain from, obviously enough, buying things. The significance of the event? Well, the day after Thanksgiving is always the busiest shopping day of the year, so the idea is to curb “excessive” spending on “petty” material products. Material products! You know, the most obvious sign of moral and... uhm, moral corruption in the world.

Here's an article about the “event,” which, oddly enough, is written in a humanist magazine. Humanists. The guys that are supposed to have the optimistic view about human nature and self fulfillment.

Well, somewhere along the line, it gets taken for granted that America’s relatively high consumption rates are a sign of something flawed with the world’s economy, but perhaps the higher consumption is positively correlated with higher production. True niggaz make mo’, they get mo’.

The profit motive provides the greatest impetus for progress. Many are quick to denounce America for its supposedly unhealthy focus on wealth and consumption, but these are the rewards for doing well and producing. The farmer that works hard all year for a good harvest doesn’t do it for the sake of the accomplishment itself - it’s important because it helps him further his life as a human being, and earns him a higher, more decent standard of living than doing just enough to get by. America’s consumption-oriented culture helps lead to a greater motivation for success through rewarding effort and hard work.

Though, the argument goes that western civilization only thrives because it exploits the poor. What “poor” are we talking about? Children who’re working in sweatshops in communist China, who happen to be making products for American companies? That’s not the fault of western civilization. A few businessmen realize the advantage of the cheap, immorally-provided labor, and capitalize on it, but that’s not capitalism, dammit! Why don’t the socialists/communists of the world see that their philosophies are what create the sweatshops and forced labor? Freer people just use it as an opportunity.

Moreover, the wealthy don’t earn their wealth at the expense of the poor. Wealth involves production, not stealing. If there were a static quantity of material wealth, then people living thousands of years ago would have had much much more, and would have enjoyed an infinitely higher standard of living. Underdeveloped nations are just culturally inept. The people living in these countries certainly aren’t actively encouraged to realize their full potential, and maximize it to live happier, better lives for themselves. They’re told they have no right to it, and that’s not going to elicit IknowwhatthehellIwantery.

The second argument against commercialism is that it’s detrimental to the environment. There is a certain amount of truth to this, but what kind of solution is there? Stop advancing technologically and industrially? That would just keep depleting the natural resources at the current rate. Some of the best, most significant advancements in technology over the past few years have been making things smaller, more environmentally-sound, and even cheaper, so more people can enjoy the higher standard of living they provide. Ultimately, it’s the task of improved technology to correct the problems of today’s technology.

The only other alternative would be a return to life without technology. Yeah man, THAT’ll solve all our problems. Who will benefit from reverting to a life without the modern comforts provided today? Absolutely no one. In fact, lowering the standard of living contradicts the principles which find fault with the fact that people are living in poverty. Making everyone poor like them seems to be adding to the problem, but maybe that’s just me.

Lastly, corporations supposedly exploit consumers through advertising and propaganda. The problem with this specious reasoning is that, despite being strongly influenced by external factors, humans are fully capable of evaluating facts, reasoning, and making their own, educated decisions. Advertising doesn’t coerce people into doing things that probably aren’t in their best interest, and even if it influences them in that direction, it’s ultimately up to every person alive to make their own choices, which sometimes involves making faulty judgements, and living with and learning from mistakes. Taking people’s ability to choose and learn away from them by forcing what’s “best for them” just takes away one of the most fundamental aspects of being a human in the fullest sense of the term.

People seek pleasure, and a great deal of it comes from material consumption. It’s ironic that the most vehement critics of material life don’t wish to abolish it - they only want to see it taken from those who already have it, and have it given to those who don’t yet. Despite originally being a religious holiday, Christmas is now a time of filthy lucre and excess for those who are, through their own effort, able to afford it. That’s a good thing.

[Side note: This started out as an essay for a scholarship from The Humanist. I popped out a rough draft in abot half an hour, and didn't really do anything about it, so I decided to just edit it a tiny bit to make it a little more blog friendly (There was less swearing in the original draft.). It's not the most carefully-written thing in the world - I was just pretty mad when I did it, so I apologize if it's pretty sloppy.]

2003-11-24T19:28:00.000-06:00

Drizz found a list of the top ten reasons beer is better than religion. Check it out to see all ten, but I thought these were the highlights:

6. When you have Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second Beer.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.

Personally, I thought number two was the best of 'em. Existence seems to be a prerequisite for quality. Or something.

2003-11-24T11:04:00.000-06:00

We talked about abortion on Matt's radio show today. Well, at least that's what he told me, and what the audience was told. While we did say abortion a lot, I don't think we ever really did anything along the lines of talking about it. Of course, there's no way I can take responsibility for that - it was early in the A.M., and I wasn't actually prepared to make the demanding intellectual jump from talking about bad drivers to talking about the prevention of "oopsies." Somehow (maybe because it involves abortion), it reminds me of when I told my brother that my parents' first words about him were "Whaddya mean we can't get an abortion!?" Good times.

Oh! A good quote came out of the radio bit, however lacking in quality it may have been. "But Erik, can't you see that a fetus is really a human being with the same moral status as, say, Noam Chomsky?"

2003-11-23T22:35:00.000-06:00

Looks like Ask Brendan has turned into Brendan Asks! O-ho-ho! Well, actually, he uhm... just started a list, but that’s at least half way there.

Overused Blog Words

1. I'll get the list started:
fisk
methinks--once is too much
snark
gnat

I’ll give this a shot. First of all, overused blog phrases:

Evil Glenn Blends Puppies

Look guys, this is just stupid. I’m sure plenty of people blend puppies as a part of their daily lives, and no one cares. That's not to say that I blend them, but... you know. If you really wanted to watch Glenn fall, you’d point out that he has a lisp reminiscent of Al Franken's. Next thing you know, he'll be a bearded fatass like Michael Moore. Sittin' around, listening to System of a Down, making up news and lying about his hit counts. Not only that, but he'd change his name to CheetoPundit, because God knows there's no way Michael Moore is fast.

[And yes, I apologize for making it sound like I believe in God. If I see "Erik believes in God!" rumors floating around the internet, it'll be ass-owning time.]

More tomorrow!

2003-11-22T00:56:00.000-06:00

Blog*Spot's giving me a hassle right now. If you click the links on the best of list, it takes you to the bottom of the post you're looking for. So... you know. Just scroll up a little. You'll figure it out based on the title versus the content, I'm sure.

To The Bartender: Thanks for the help with the Permalinks, but when I did that, it just gave me error pages.

2003-11-21T15:10:00.000-06:00

Don actually referenced me in one of his posts. He says:

Parenthetically, it's little things like this that really make my day. Perhaps blogging merely feeds my already-inflated sense of self-esteem, but the idea that people from all around this world...not many, but more than I could have ever hoped for...know who I am and appreciate what I do makes the effort worthwhile.

I can understand exactly what he means. I'd think that, despite how pleased he seems, I'm infinitely moreso. I was euphoric when I read the link in the post. A big-shot, mentioning something I said! Blogging really does serve as a great means of ego inflation. That, in turn, makes me want to write more, and write things of higher quality. I've been working on this blogging business for several months now, fairly unsuccessfully in terms of hits and regular readership. I suppose it didn't help that for a while, most of the posting was fairly forced, and then I stopped for a period of time. But now, it feels like I'm really doing something, and that occasionally, quality is actually going into the things I post. Unfortunately, this doesn't exactly show in hits, probably partly as a result of the fact that I only have the counter set to record my main page views. But still, I'm a little more happy about the way things are going, and maybe I'll get more serious about blogging pretty soon as a result of REAL motivation and inspiration these days.

2003-11-20T22:37:00.000-06:00

Reasonable Man writes:

I just heard somebody say "It's as cold as Hell outside."

That always amuses me.

Reasonable Man's usually-excellent reasoning fails him on this one. How does he know what hell is like? Because he's Satan! (atan atan atan atan....) ((That was supposed to be an echo. Damn writing.)) But really, the argument goes beyond childish name calling, asshats. (Thanks for the word and the tip, Don!)

The problem with the statement "It's cold as hell outside" is that it practically requires some form of traditionally "naughty" word to be interjected into it. Just consider the statement "It's cold outside." That's worthless! It tells you absolutely nothing! Well, except for maybe that it's cold outside. But answer this: How cold? Yeah, I thought so.

So how can we remedy this problem? It's entirely possible to tell people how cold it is outside, but "Wow! It feels like twenty degrees out!" lacks passion, it lacks drama - dammit, it lacks a damn swear word!

Now that I've proven that point in an overly time consuming and inefficient manner, I'll move on to the implementation of the obscene rhetoric. Let's face it: We can't throw drama in without either sounding like a total jackass, or completely contradicting the meaning of the sentence. We have to rule out every word that isn't a noun. So... uhm... damn's gone, at least. Then, we have to exclude nouns that can't work at all. "It's cold as bitch/bastard/fucker/ass," plus any others you can think of.

It comes down to the select few. "It's as cold as hell"/"It's as cold as shit!" I don't know about you, but I see an eery, and moreover, annoying connection here. Each one of those involves heat. Hell's all about fire, and according to everyone who's ever had a bowel movement in the cold, shit steams. "It's as cold as fuck!" Ahh... the beloved F word, here to save us again. But wait! NOOO! Unless it's just not happening (and for that, go back to my post about laser pointer dongs) in bed, then that is also relatively warm. Or so I'm told. The point being, all of the good adjectives involve heat somehow.

I don't consider myself a compromiser at all. I do things as a matter of principle. However, I don't consider this form of linguistic pragmatism to be a moral compromise, so I let it slide. Besides, most people adopt the linguistically pragmatic approach and know what you're talking about, anyway. I suppose that's because most people don't care enough to consider it, much less write a fairly sizable discourse about it - well, not me! Unlike most of you lameasses out there, I understand the importance of obscenity-laden rhetoric.

2003-11-20T10:46:00.000-06:00

Oh crap! The D Man, more commonly referred to as Don Watkins, has blogrolled me. Sweet ass!

2003-11-19T23:03:00.000-06:00

Do you have trouble aiming?

Aiming what?

Why, your dong, of course!

Oh, yeah man! I’m always hitting the seat, the floor. Don’t get me started on when my shirt falls down a bit and it gets pissed on.

No, fiddlyfuck! Aiming your dong while partaking in the delightful process of spawning. You know, doin’ the nasty.

Uhm, no I don-

What you need is laser pointer enhancement. What is it, I’m sure you’d ask were you not a pre-written commercial tape. Why, it’s the latest in bingle improvement. First, there was Viagra, providing temporary relief to malfunctioning wang systems. Then, penis enlargement therapies, which no one trusts. But now, there’s a revolution taking place, allowing you to enhance your bingle by enhancing its performance, rather than its attributes. Allow me to explain.

Several years ago, weapons experts around the world realized that they could improve the kill efficiency of their deadliest assault weapons by adding laser pointers to them. So we’ve applied the logic to man’s most joy-giving weapon, and come up with laser pointers for your wang, improving accuracy and effectiveness in bed.

Wouldn’t a laser pointer get in the way?

Of course not! The laser pointer isn’t some kind of cheap, external add-on that you could easily lose or break; that’d just be stupid. Instead, we surgically insert a laser pointer into your urethra, and securely fasten it to the inner walls of the bingle. It emits a concentrated laser point, so as long as can pee straight, your aim will be dead on.

Will it improve accuracy? You bet! Will it improve your sex life? As long as your lover isn’t lesbian, it sure will! Will it detrimentally affect urinary functions, and make the process of urinating painful? Probably!

So take aim - get in the game! The purchasing game.

2003-11-19T21:50:00.000-06:00

I finally updated my links. A little, at least. Things were getting pretty outdated and all, so I had to fix that, and get back in the cool. Still not a whole lot up there, partly due to laziness, and also partly due to the fact that I try not to link to things that almost everyone else in the world links to. Seems like that'd be a waste of effort.

Also, I added that "Best Of" section, although rather hesitantly, as shown by the immediately-following question mark. Granted, I don't think the Red Scare thing is my best post, or that I didn't actually post anything else good - I'm just trying to start establishing a collection of posts that seem like they're potentially good enough to deserve being read. Plus, I was encouraged that it was an awesome post, despite the fact that I was worried it wouldn't go over too well. I think, though, you might have to scroll up a little to read it. Blogspot's archive system isn't exactly very effective. At all.

2003-11-19T20:57:00.000-06:00

Mei has come across some doppleganger of mine. Not only is it thoroughly chilling, but it's... uhm, lacking an original adverb, sufficiently enraging, too. Now I know how Matt felt when Harry Potter was released. [Sorry, but I wanted to relive the glory days of that worn-out joke for just a little while. Ahh - good times.]

Also, in addition to the anti-abortion bumper sticker I saw today, I saw a woman with an "I love Jesus!" bumper sticker, and a woman with a shirt that said "Addicted to Christ." There's some kind of odd resurgence in the popularity of Jesus freakdom, and it's bothersome.

2003-11-19T16:49:00.000-06:00

"Choose life. Your mom did!"

Yeah, and I'm glad she did. After all, if she hadn't had me, the world would be considerably less awesome. That's completely irrelevant, though. That's actually a bumper sticker saying that I saw earlier on this guy's truck. As I passed him, I looked over at him to see if he was some crazy conservative looking chap/crazy conserative looking woman, and he gave me a dirty look. It's like he knew that I like freedom. Wowsers! [Dududududu Inspector Gadget, dududududu Oo oo!]

I find it troubling that the bumper sticker seems to imply that every baby is some form of an "oopsie" worthy of considering abortion. I was under the impression that most childbirth takes place with fully willing women who made the conscious, planned choice to have a baby. That COULD be seen as "choosing life," but the term itself seems to imply an alternative, in this case, abortion. Then again, maybe I was a mistake, and my mom was merciful. Best. Mistake. EVER.

2003-11-17T21:51:00.000-06:00

I apologize for not posting anything today. Matt got Drunken Jebus back up. Or at least he said it did, because it's not working for me. In any case, I focused on writing a bit for that, so I haven't really had much of a chance to focus on blogging. Hopefully he'll get things working so I'll be able to refer you to my awesome discourses there.

2003-11-14T11:57:00.000-06:00

Unfortunately enough, I happened to see a guy wearing a Che shirt yesterday. Technically, it was a Rage Against the Machine shirt, but it had Che on it, with a Che quote, and that's close enough. It surprises me that some people can so openly advocate dictatorship, murder, and oppression with a shirt that probably earns some credit from a lot of people. If it's so unacceptable to wear a shirt with a quote from and picture of Hitler, then why is it cool to wear Che shirts? Well, it shouldn't be.

To correct this problem, a friend and I came up with the perfect solution: bring back the Red Scare. Of course, not literally with some form of political hype time machine. Moreover, we can't just duplicate it. Red Scare v1.5 is just unacceptable. In fact, it shouldn't even be a red scare. We're not afraid of commies, they're supposed to be afraid of us, what with our ostracism and hatred and all! But of course, The Scaring of the Reds just sounds stupid, so we'll either have to work on that or ditch the title thing altogether.

Why the hateful disposition to commies? Because, let's face it, everything about them sucks. The designers of the traffic light knew this. While making it, they realized that people will associate the color red with communists, and consequently, stagnation, or in this case, stopping. But green, like the color of sweet, sweet capitalist money - when you see green, you think of moving and progress. Traffic lights are like a far-reaching allegory about the differences between political ideologies. Of course, this logic doesn't extend to the Green Party. Their suckitude in no way correlates with traffic signals. Unless you consider the fact that they're moving, dammit! Just, you know... backwards.

So, digression aside, what would we do in this knew red scare? It would become known as the best of times. Tom Brokaw would be labeled a commie, ostracized, and this would be the greatest generation. Why? Because the streets would flow with the reds' red nectar of life!

Though, more important than the ultraviolence are the pranks. You know, persecution awesome (read: capitalist) style. We'd do donuts in their yards with our luxury cars; Bill Gates would T.P. people's houses with hundred dollar bills, and cheers would erupt throughout the land.

Most importantly, we'd make people feel bad. That's what this is really about. The new red scare would demonstrate the country's radical ideological shift from "Let's try to be equals" to "Screw you, I like money!", and that's what really matters.

And on a side note, yes I'm aware that my blog's primary color is dark, collectivist red. Bite me.

2003-11-12T21:09:00.000-06:00

Rich Girls is easily one of the most annoying shows I've ever seen. Actually, I take it back. The rich girls of Rich Girls fame are some of the most annoying people ever. This isn't to say that I watch the show, you know, since I'm above that and it's just a load of mind-numbing tr - you know what? Screw you. I've obviously seen some, which is alright, because it was delightfully entertaining.

The rich girls in question saw some documentary on Ethiopia and poverty, and one of them said "We're so lucky we're here. Like, that could be us!" Quite the original, well thought-out sentiment indeed.

Upon further reflection, it would be impossible for that to be them. Why? First of all, because the poor people in Ethiopia were black, and the girls are white. Of course, as that one movie from the 80s (It comes on Comedy Central sometimes, but I forgot what it was called) people can paint their skin an unconvincing shade of brown and pass as black, but I don't think they're going to try it.

Secondly, genetic factors are big determinants not only of phsyical characteristics, but of mental characteristics as well, including personality. Not only that, but the other influence on personality is environment. With completely different genetics, while growing up in a completely different background, there's an infinitesimal chance, by which I mean it's impossible, that they'd be the same people. It just wouldn't happen. People aren't just created in some universal people assembly plant, where they're thrown various lives and environments by chance. If that were true, a stork really would be where babies come from.

In my hilarious frustration, I digress. These girls who're talking about how they're so lucky for not being poor seemed to think that money can't buy happiness (an idea I strongly disagree with, but I'm sure you knew that). Seems to me they either don't mind contradictions, or forget their beliefs on an episode to episode basis. Probably both. Money can buy happiness, but it sure doesn't do anything about dumbassery.

2003-11-12T15:07:00.000-06:00

Want to see something awesome? Check out this Britney Spears lookalike. I know that sounds pretty dull, but check it out - it's worth it. And it has nothing to do with porn.

2003-11-10T22:42:00.000-06:00

The mall Santa sure was busy tonight. In case the italics didn't cue you in, and I'm sure they didn't (because hey, that's really ambiguous), I was being sarcastic. Absolutely no one was there to see Santa. NO ONE! Looks like none of the little rosy-cheeked juice drinkers will get presents this year.

But really, whatever happened to the inordinately long lines to see Santa? Ignore the fact that Christmas is still forty-four days away - this is the Christmas season. Of course, everyone'll wait until last minute to see him, shifting his workload from one extreme to another. The lovable Santa of today who has nothing to do but drink and stare at the little elven lady's ass all day won't be so jolly in a few weeks when suddenly, everyone decides that it's a good idea to see Santa when everyone else wants to go. Santa visits seem to suffer from this lack of sufficient planning.

Well, not me. I'll go see him tomorrow, because Santa = the rox0rz.

2003-11-10T22:26:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone, go take a nap! (Well, the man told me to do it.)

2003-11-10T10:22:00.000-06:00

In one of the most brilliantly lame internet advertising strategies ever, advertisers are now posting comments on people's blogs, with the link to their product in their name. (If you've ever seen blog comments at all, you know what I'm talking about.) Now you can read insightful comments AND lose weight.

2003-11-07T11:18:00.000-06:00

What the hell!? I tried registering a new AIM screen name, but it turns out Baron von Bitchin is already taken. Who the hell thinks of and uses names like Baron von Bitchin? My precious aspirations! NO!

Well, anyway, looks like Matt got in trouble with his girlfriend. While trying to find out why so many of my hits are porn search-related, porn ended up coming up, and being left on his computer for his girlfriend to see. Ouch indeed.

And of course, speaking of hits, I think Site Meter's broken or something remotely along those lines. At least mine is. Why would I have gotten thirty hits a few days ago, and absolutely none today, with only half the day left? Also, why does my eXtreme tracker show that I have hits? Clearly, something's wrong.

2003-11-04T16:00:00.000-06:00

Ass-ownin' time!

I was actually about to post about being bored and having an overwhelming desire to get into a heated argument with someone (It's been a long time, and I was just itching for conflict.), but it looks like my need's been satisfied. My comment is down at the bottom right now, but I suppose that'll change if there are any more responses.