Saturday, November 29, 2003

Hey guys. I hope none of us have forgotten the valuable lessons anarchists and hippies of the past have taught us. Namely, that it's right to rebel regardless of circumstances. IT IS RIGHT TO REBEL. Don't you feel energized? Man, I sure do hate The Man.

So George Bush Jr. is a hero cuz he went to Baghdad for Thanksgiving? Let's see that muthafucka roll down one of the main streets without any bodyguards. Bitch....

Yeah dawg, true niggaz roll without some weak sauce posse backin' 'em up. Like 50 Cent. Er... well, like gangsters. Nah, wait man... like... hey! I don't roll with a posse! I'm hardcore, you guys! I really am!

Ah, this does feel good to vent. What else? Thanksgiving????? What the hell should I be thankful for??? Yes I'm thankful for my family and my friends. That's about it. Should I be thankful like my parents tell me that I'm in a position more fortunate than others when I'm not happy with it???? That's like telling someone who's starving to be thankful cuz she's thin.

Yeah, and we tell fat people to be thankful because their corpulence is a sign of their comfortable, successful lifestyle. Shouldn't these less fortunate people be thankful that they haven't been tainted by the wretched commercialism you hate so much?

I still live in a fascist society that glorifies fucking over the next man for profit.

Okay, so maybe we've betrayed our Puritan roots, but hookers are great!

I'm supposed to celebrate the fact that the indigenous people died because they saved a bunch of ungrateful devils too stupid to live off the land??? I didnt know Holocausts were supposed to be holidays. Fuck Thanksgiving.

I thought Thanksgiving was established back when there was a sense of comraderie between the Indians and we whities. You know, long before the killing began.

Oh, and to whatever FBI agent that's reading this and taking notes: What kind of shitty ass job do you have when you have to sit there and read the shit that I type down? Don't you just feel pathetic? I bet your mom's real proud.

FBI agents? Blogs? Paranoia? Where the hell are all of these frightening new terms coming from? OH NO! The government has a new agency for word creation! We're all gonna die!

Friday, November 28, 2003

Observe warning signs. Texas state law.

OOHH, state law. Are the police sitting on the side of the road with binoculars, ready to catch people failing to check out the warning signs? Or better yet, do they have some sort of device to monitor brain activity, particularly that which involves sign observation? Imagine Texas's dystopian future!

Upstanding young man: Evening officer. Is there a problem?

Cop: Nah, I just pulled you over to check out that sexy leather interior.

Upstanding young man: Ah. Well, here it is. Nice?

Cop: I should beat you right now for being a jackass.

Upstanding young man: Uh-

Cop: I didn't see you reading that sign.

Upstanding young man: What sign?

Cop: Exactly. Afraid I'm going to have to write you a ticket, as well as fasten the latest in trendy head gear to you. Well, it's pretty old actually. A Clockwork Orange did it a long time ago, but retro's in!

Yep, they'll be good times. Maybe bad for liberty, rights, freedom, and all of that crap that no one cares about anymore, but they'd be good for comical situations.

[Disclaimer: I do in fact know what they meant by the sign, but the wording was funny, and I liked it too much to pass up. No heckling!]

The line at Best Buy literally went around the store and even through the aisles. Looks like Buy Nothing Day isn't working out too well for Adbusters. Score one for commercialism!

In other semi-Thanksgiving/Post-Thanksgiving news, did anyone see how buff Glenn Reynolds is? Look! Maybe it's the fact that he spends a whole lot of time on the computer in typical nerd fashion, because I pictured him being thin and weak, or just overweight, of course. But man! He looks like he's ready to rumble. He probably hunted and killed the turkey himself with his bare hands. Better yet, a condor. Reynolds doesn't settle for weak crap like turkey for Thanksgiving, he goes for the man meals, because he's a man.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Snoop Blog! Something tells me that he doesn't actually write any of that, though. I've never imagined the D-O Double G being the most intelligent of niggaz, so the surprisingly good, and fairly error-free composition seem to suggest that he has someone writing for it.

But maybe not. Maybe weed really does just kill the bad brain cells.

Lots of random thoughts came to me on the drive home from school this morning.

First of all, I saw a guy applying deodorant in his car today. While driving!!! I think it's time I contacted a local representative to forcibly prohibit deodorant application in moving vehicles. Since I'm too much of a pussy to give the guy some friendly nudging/ramming off the road to solve the problem, the government'll do it for me. That's just the way democracy works.

ALSO! Most importantly, the car hit 18,666 miles, so I was understandably compelled to think about Satan. You'd do it too! After a few delightful, comedic Satanic thoughts about toasting babies, it was serious reflection time. I started wondering why 666 was chosen as the "mark of the beast" when it finally occured to me. Use the logic of the number 69 and all of its practical applications, and you'll see what I mean. Threesomes! More specifically, the structure of the number could easily imply GAY threesomes. (I wanna be Lucky Pierre!)

I guess this'd also explain why South Park promulgated the idea that Satan was gay.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Of course, now my reputation depends on you coming up with quality blogs each day...enjoy the pressure. Heh.

Unfortunately, that does imply a whole damn lot of pressure. But, with that pressure, a whole damn lot of power, too. Think about it. I could ruin Don's reputation, or at least the part of it that involves recommending people. I could probably bring a lot of people down with him, too. Everyone will think that Don's sense of judgement is severly impaired, so they'll start doing the opposite of what he says. People will start to hate Frank J., just because Don likes him so much.

Well, now that I can envision the consequences of sucking, I need to come up with a plan to do it. Never posting again won't work. Everyone will just assume I died, and not only will Don's reputation not be hurt, he'll be able to capitalize on it and get sympathy hits because one of his linked associates died. I've established that the plan is going to depend on me either offending people, making them cringe, or boring them. Maybe a good mix of all three.

First step: Offend the good readers. I'll just go down Don's blogroll list and spam everyone's comments. They'll come and visit my blog out of anger and potential retaliation, and realize that I'm the guy Don's always praising. He must be just as bad! [Also, since everyone will want to come and post retaliatory spam here, I would disable comments. OH! Burrrrrrrrrrrrn!!]

Second step: Everyone hates stupidity. Well, except stupid people, but they're just stupid, so screw them. I'll constantly make references to how "Erik loves the white bitches!" as well as what True Niggaz do. The next time Don says anything about a blog roll, people will respond with "Roll out! *pksh pksh pksh* Roll out!"

Failing that, I'll talk about how numb I am and how heartbroken I am. I might form an emo band. We'll hurt your ears as much as we hurt your heart. Of course, we'll say Don's in it. Everyone'll love him.

Third step: I'm going to be honest here. I thought I had a third step, or could at least make one up, but I kind of blanked out. I'm sure you guys can all come up with something that bores you. Pretend I said I'd do that as the third step.

On Friday, November 28th, the anti-corporate organization Adbusters proposes to hold a “Buy Nothing Day,” where people are encouraged to refrain from, obviously enough, buying things. The significance of the event? Well, the day after Thanksgiving is always the busiest shopping day of the year, so the idea is to curb “excessive” spending on “petty” material products. Material products! You know, the most obvious sign of moral and... uhm, moral corruption in the world.

Here's an article about the “event,” which, oddly enough, is written in a humanist magazine. Humanists. The guys that are supposed to have the optimistic view about human nature and self fulfillment.

Well, somewhere along the line, it gets taken for granted that America’s relatively high consumption rates are a sign of something flawed with the world’s economy, but perhaps the higher consumption is positively correlated with higher production. True niggaz make mo’, they get mo’.

The profit motive provides the greatest impetus for progress. Many are quick to denounce America for its supposedly unhealthy focus on wealth and consumption, but these are the rewards for doing well and producing. The farmer that works hard all year for a good harvest doesn’t do it for the sake of the accomplishment itself - it’s important because it helps him further his life as a human being, and earns him a higher, more decent standard of living than doing just enough to get by. America’s consumption-oriented culture helps lead to a greater motivation for success through rewarding effort and hard work.

Though, the argument goes that western civilization only thrives because it exploits the poor. What “poor” are we talking about? Children who’re working in sweatshops in communist China, who happen to be making products for American companies? That’s not the fault of western civilization. A few businessmen realize the advantage of the cheap, immorally-provided labor, and capitalize on it, but that’s not capitalism, dammit! Why don’t the socialists/communists of the world see that their philosophies are what create the sweatshops and forced labor? Freer people just use it as an opportunity.

Moreover, the wealthy don’t earn their wealth at the expense of the poor. Wealth involves production, not stealing. If there were a static quantity of material wealth, then people living thousands of years ago would have had much much more, and would have enjoyed an infinitely higher standard of living. Underdeveloped nations are just culturally inept. The people living in these countries certainly aren’t actively encouraged to realize their full potential, and maximize it to live happier, better lives for themselves. They’re told they have no right to it, and that’s not going to elicit IknowwhatthehellIwantery.

The second argument against commercialism is that it’s detrimental to the environment. There is a certain amount of truth to this, but what kind of solution is there? Stop advancing technologically and industrially? That would just keep depleting the natural resources at the current rate. Some of the best, most significant advancements in technology over the past few years have been making things smaller, more environmentally-sound, and even cheaper, so more people can enjoy the higher standard of living they provide. Ultimately, it’s the task of improved technology to correct the problems of today’s technology.

The only other alternative would be a return to life without technology. Yeah man, THAT’ll solve all our problems. Who will benefit from reverting to a life without the modern comforts provided today? Absolutely no one. In fact, lowering the standard of living contradicts the principles which find fault with the fact that people are living in poverty. Making everyone poor like them seems to be adding to the problem, but maybe that’s just me.

Lastly, corporations supposedly exploit consumers through advertising and propaganda. The problem with this specious reasoning is that, despite being strongly influenced by external factors, humans are fully capable of evaluating facts, reasoning, and making their own, educated decisions. Advertising doesn’t coerce people into doing things that probably aren’t in their best interest, and even if it influences them in that direction, it’s ultimately up to every person alive to make their own choices, which sometimes involves making faulty judgements, and living with and learning from mistakes. Taking people’s ability to choose and learn away from them by forcing what’s “best for them” just takes away one of the most fundamental aspects of being a human in the fullest sense of the term.

People seek pleasure, and a great deal of it comes from material consumption. It’s ironic that the most vehement critics of material life don’t wish to abolish it - they only want to see it taken from those who already have it, and have it given to those who don’t yet. Despite originally being a religious holiday, Christmas is now a time of filthy lucre and excess for those who are, through their own effort, able to afford it. That’s a good thing.

[Side note: This started out as an essay for a scholarship from The Humanist. I popped out a rough draft in abot half an hour, and didn't really do anything about it, so I decided to just edit it a tiny bit to make it a little more blog friendly (There was less swearing in the original draft.). It's not the most carefully-written thing in the world - I was just pretty mad when I did it, so I apologize if it's pretty sloppy.]

Monday, November 24, 2003

Drizz found a list of the top ten reasons beer is better than religion. Check it out to see all ten, but I thought these were the highlights:

6. When you have Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second Beer.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.

Personally, I thought number two was the best of 'em. Existence seems to be a prerequisite for quality. Or something.

We talked about abortion on Matt's radio show today. Well, at least that's what he told me, and what the audience was told. While we did say abortion a lot, I don't think we ever really did anything along the lines of talking about it. Of course, there's no way I can take responsibility for that - it was early in the A.M., and I wasn't actually prepared to make the demanding intellectual jump from talking about bad drivers to talking about the prevention of "oopsies." Somehow (maybe because it involves abortion), it reminds me of when I told my brother that my parents' first words about him were "Whaddya mean we can't get an abortion!?" Good times.

Oh! A good quote came out of the radio bit, however lacking in quality it may have been. "But Erik, can't you see that a fetus is really a human being with the same moral status as, say, Noam Chomsky?"

Sunday, November 23, 2003

Looks like Ask Brendan has turned into Brendan Asks! O-ho-ho! Well, actually, he uhm... just started a list, but that’s at least half way there.

Overused Blog Words

1. I'll get the list started:
methinks--once is too much

I’ll give this a shot. First of all, overused blog phrases:
Evil Glenn Blends Puppies

Look guys, this is just stupid. I’m sure plenty of people blend puppies as a part of their daily lives, and no one cares. That's not to say that I blend them, but... you know. If you really wanted to watch Glenn fall, you’d point out that he has a lisp reminiscent of Al Franken's. Next thing you know, he'll be a bearded fatass like Michael Moore. Sittin' around, listening to System of a Down, making up news and lying about his hit counts. Not only that, but he'd change his name to CheetoPundit, because God knows there's no way Michael Moore is fast.

[And yes, I apologize for making it sound like I believe in God. If I see "Erik believes in God!" rumors floating around the internet, it'll be ass-owning time.]

More tomorrow!