Friday, November 14, 2003

Unfortunately enough, I happened to see a guy wearing a Che shirt yesterday. Technically, it was a Rage Against the Machine shirt, but it had Che on it, with a Che quote, and that's close enough. It surprises me that some people can so openly advocate dictatorship, murder, and oppression with a shirt that probably earns some credit from a lot of people. If it's so unacceptable to wear a shirt with a quote from and picture of Hitler, then why is it cool to wear Che shirts? Well, it shouldn't be.

To correct this problem, a friend and I came up with the perfect solution: bring back the Red Scare. Of course, not literally with some form of political hype time machine. Moreover, we can't just duplicate it. Red Scare v1.5 is just unacceptable. In fact, it shouldn't even be a red scare. We're not afraid of commies, they're supposed to be afraid of us, what with our ostracism and hatred and all! But of course, The Scaring of the Reds just sounds stupid, so we'll either have to work on that or ditch the title thing altogether.

Why the hateful disposition to commies? Because, let's face it, everything about them sucks. The designers of the traffic light knew this. While making it, they realized that people will associate the color red with communists, and consequently, stagnation, or in this case, stopping. But green, like the color of sweet, sweet capitalist money - when you see green, you think of moving and progress. Traffic lights are like a far-reaching allegory about the differences between political ideologies. Of course, this logic doesn't extend to the Green Party. Their suckitude in no way correlates with traffic signals. Unless you consider the fact that they're moving, dammit! Just, you know... backwards.

So, digression aside, what would we do in this knew red scare? It would become known as the best of times. Tom Brokaw would be labeled a commie, ostracized, and this would be the greatest generation. Why? Because the streets would flow with the reds' red nectar of life!

Though, more important than the ultraviolence are the pranks. You know, persecution awesome (read: capitalist) style. We'd do donuts in their yards with our luxury cars; Bill Gates would T.P. people's houses with hundred dollar bills, and cheers would erupt throughout the land.

Most importantly, we'd make people feel bad. That's what this is really about. The new red scare would demonstrate the country's radical ideological shift from "Let's try to be equals" to "Screw you, I like money!", and that's what really matters.

And on a side note, yes I'm aware that my blog's primary color is dark, collectivist red. Bite me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Rich Girls is easily one of the most annoying shows I've ever seen. Actually, I take it back. The rich girls of Rich Girls fame are some of the most annoying people ever. This isn't to say that I watch the show, you know, since I'm above that and it's just a load of mind-numbing tr - you know what? Screw you. I've obviously seen some, which is alright, because it was delightfully entertaining.

The rich girls in question saw some documentary on Ethiopia and poverty, and one of them said "We're so lucky we're here. Like, that could be us!" Quite the original, well thought-out sentiment indeed.

Upon further reflection, it would be impossible for that to be them. Why? First of all, because the poor people in Ethiopia were black, and the girls are white. Of course, as that one movie from the 80s (It comes on Comedy Central sometimes, but I forgot what it was called) people can paint their skin an unconvincing shade of brown and pass as black, but I don't think they're going to try it.

Secondly, genetic factors are big determinants not only of phsyical characteristics, but of mental characteristics as well, including personality. Not only that, but the other influence on personality is environment. With completely different genetics, while growing up in a completely different background, there's an infinitesimal chance, by which I mean it's impossible, that they'd be the same people. It just wouldn't happen. People aren't just created in some universal people assembly plant, where they're thrown various lives and environments by chance. If that were true, a stork really would be where babies come from.

In my hilarious frustration, I digress. These girls who're talking about how they're so lucky for not being poor seemed to think that money can't buy happiness (an idea I strongly disagree with, but I'm sure you knew that). Seems to me they either don't mind contradictions, or forget their beliefs on an episode to episode basis. Probably both. Money can buy happiness, but it sure doesn't do anything about dumbassery.

Want to see something awesome? Check out this Britney Spears lookalike. I know that sounds pretty dull, but check it out - it's worth it. And it has nothing to do with porn.

Monday, November 10, 2003

The mall Santa sure was busy tonight. In case the italics didn't cue you in, and I'm sure they didn't (because hey, that's really ambiguous), I was being sarcastic. Absolutely no one was there to see Santa. NO ONE! Looks like none of the little rosy-cheeked juice drinkers will get presents this year.

But really, whatever happened to the inordinately long lines to see Santa? Ignore the fact that Christmas is still forty-four days away - this is the Christmas season. Of course, everyone'll wait until last minute to see him, shifting his workload from one extreme to another. The lovable Santa of today who has nothing to do but drink and stare at the little elven lady's ass all day won't be so jolly in a few weeks when suddenly, everyone decides that it's a good idea to see Santa when everyone else wants to go. Santa visits seem to suffer from this lack of sufficient planning.

Well, not me. I'll go see him tomorrow, because Santa = the rox0rz.

Hey everyone, go take a nap! (Well, the man told me to do it.)

In one of the most brilliantly lame internet advertising strategies ever, advertisers are now posting comments on people's blogs, with the link to their product in their name. (If you've ever seen blog comments at all, you know what I'm talking about.) Now you can read insightful comments AND lose weight.