Saturday, November 01, 2003

There's a lot more to the following story, but it's fairly irrelevant, so I'll just start with the fact that my friend Ashley called some girl a bitch. A black girl. OOO! The black girl is of the opinion that it's a racist remark when a white girl calls a black girl a bitch, and has been dealing with a lot of "racial tension" as of late, so of course she was left with no choice but to start kicking ass. That's what she did.

The cops weren't too helpful. "She called her a bitch? Them's fightin' words." Thankfully, the cops were racially sensitive and enlightened enough to bring up the fact that Ashley's white, so of course it's unfair for her to call this helpless, inferior black girl a bitch.

Playing the race card is one of the most annoying and self-defeating moves ever. If the black girl feels bad about being black, it's because she thinks there's something wrong with it. Any black person who was truly committed to the idea that his race doesn't affect his personal merit and worth wouldn't be offended by a racist remark. Anyone could make pasty white boy jokes about me and, assuming they're not lame or already done before, they'd probably get a great laugh from me. It's because there's no contradiction to what I say about my race being irrelevant, and my true conviction about it. On so many levels, people offended by racist remarks remind me of Christians that profess to believe in heaven who just dread the prospect of death. They should either modify what they say, or start subscribing to it.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

"Dude! Do you know you can stick a paperclip in an electrical socket without getting shocked?"

"That's a load of crap, man."

"No, check it out!"

So I proceeded to watch my brother's attempt to demonstrate his fascinating claims. Unfortunately, turns out he proved me wrong. The clip went in and nothing happened, so I challenged him to stick a key in. Still nothing. So, thoroughly dissatisfied, I started looking for a good explanation. AH! They're protected outlets, man - you can't get shocked. "But wait! I have unprotected outlets in my room. They'll work!" One of my worst ideas ever, I know.

So we get to my room and try it, but still nothing. Of course I'm getting really damn irritated, because I've shocked myself on accident a few times, but he's just jamming metal in there and nothing happens. I thought it over for a minute and eventually speculated that it might just work if we complete the circuit by sticking one end in each of the little outlet holes. Nerdy solution, yes. And damn successful, too. Sparks shot all over, and all of the power to my room sort of - you know - stopped being provided. Got it fixed, and I think it detracts from the coolness of the story somehow. Ah well.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Finally, an excuse to bust caps in asses!

Or at least it would be had the advertising scheme been at least slightly more successful. Unfortunately, unless you were listening to NPR earlier, you don't get to hear the program referred to as something along the lines of "the new, funkified army."

Funkified, eh? Blasphemy! Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the size of the army drastically increased from the fifties throughout the seventies to deal with the widespread hippie and beatnik problems? While not exactly today's paradigm of funk, they do tend to have some of the fundamental funk features.

I'm afraid the army's turned itself into a walking contradiction with this program, and I've turned myself into a massive ass [Hah! Get it!?] with this post. Yeah, and the lame joke too. So, basically, I'm sorry for all of it.

This kind of ruins my hits per day figures. I only get a few as it is, but apparently, I don't get much in the way of new visitors. Check out the last twenty searches leading to hits:

19 Oct, Sun, 19:29:02 Google:
20 Oct, Mon, 16:14:28 Google:
20 Oct, Mon, 17:22:34 Google:
21 Oct, Tue, 06:51:39 Google:
21 Oct, Tue, 18:42:46 Google: argumentative editorials about sex
21 Oct, Tue, 21:48:59 Google:
22 Oct, Wed, 00:10:24 Google:
22 Oct, Wed, 01:53:32 Google: homosexual horseback riding
22 Oct, Wed, 02:11:40 Google:
22 Oct, Wed, 19:18:29 Google:
23 Oct, Thu, 01:03:58 Google:
23 Oct, Thu, 23:22:17 Google:
24 Oct, Fri, 03:52:05 Google:
24 Oct, Fri, 14:36:55 Google:
25 Oct, Sat, 07:58:22 Google:
25 Oct, Sat, 19:39:04 Google:
27 Oct, Mon, 21:22:54 Google:
28 Oct, Tue, 21:17:18 Google: Positive effects paying for downloading music
29 Oct, Wed, 04:21:32 Google:
29 Oct, Wed, 09:14:28 Google:

Out of the twenty, I can understand three of 'em. As for the blacksonblondes referrals, I'm not entirely sure why and/or how they got there, moreover how they became so prominent. I don't seem to remember ever writing about the moral or social issues involved with dippin' into that sweet, sweet chocolate pudding/hot fudge/giant black man.

Perhaps the name Brainville is interpreted to have something to do with the loss of brain matter associated with doing a black guy. [His dong has to go somewhere!]

Whatever it is, it's damn annoying. In retrospect, posting about it is probably the worst way to fix the problem, but I'd really rather not just delete everything I wrote. Besides, now there'll be a reasonable explanation for the preponderance of porn searches.

Update: Looks like I was right. My past few referrals have in fact been from Google results to the Blacks on Blondes search. I wonder if any of the pornaholics stick around.

Wow. And I mean, frickin' wow.

Link courtesy of The Raving Atheist.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Don Watkins is hilarious. I particularly like this part:

I did note that, when I was a child, I would on occasion fall victim to the demon that haunts children's underpants. But I, being a clever child, did not often fall prey to the embarrassment that plagued other children, for I...I refused to take the blame.

"It was Jimmy!" I'd yell. "Jimmy shit my pants!"

Stop the F-word
I support the Parents Television Council's appeal of the Federal Communications Commission's ruling on Bono's use of the F-word ("Obscene word or adjective?" Oct. 13).

Over the years, I have noticed that prime time television has escalated its usage of obscenity. This offends me. It represents the bastardization of the English language. What kind of society have we become? What are we teaching our children?

The FCC needs to be stringent in its prohibition against obscenity. If not, then "drop the charade" as the editorial stated.

Allison P. DuBose

Sure, maybe there has been an escalation in the use of obscenity, but Ms. DuBose's letter presents nothing but her own conclusion and some rhetorical questions thrown in for good measure, rather than providing an argument for her stance and actually discussing the issue at hand.

"This offends me." That might very well be the case. Homosexuality offends some people, but the government has yet to establish a department focused on keeping gay people censored and under control.

"It represents the bastardization of the English language." Is she trying to add a bit of irony to her letter here by spicing it with an "obscenity?" Sure, excessive swearing completely ruins speech. But still, excessive use of any word/s will dramatically reduce the quality of your speaking. Swearing often adds a bit of spice and flare to things, and sometimes sounds infinitely better than the alternatives. If I cut myself with a knife and yell "Gosh darn it," most people would assume I was just really insincere. "God dammit!" helps alleviate this problem.

"What kind of society have we become?" I fail to see how letting Bono say "fuck" on TV constitutes a dramatic societal change.

"What are we teaching our children?" What are we teaching our children? Despite being a seemingly very open and liberally-oriented society, we certainly aren't. Children here "naughty langugage" all the time, but are actively, and often much too aggressively, told to refrain from using it. The arbitrary taboo on it makes it all the more appealing for young children to use, and so they do. I remember that when I was little, I loved swearing, because it made me feel big and defiant. When I swore, I became a man. It seems that the gratification involved in swearing as a child could condition people to swear later in life, ofte much much more so they can get the same rewarding effect. Perhaps by un-demonizing the use of "improper" language would in fact lead to a dramatic reduction of it.

Monday, October 27, 2003

I had some fairly good, worthwhile posting planned for today, but it's just not going down. I had my wisdom teeth removed earlier, and while not still doped up, my stomach feels a bit weird, most likely as a result of all the blood I've swallowed. One of the worst experiences of the year, indeed.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Awesome is probably the best way to describe this. I'm blogging on a new computer; more specifically, my new laptop. It cost about 1,200 bucks, but that'll drop to about 950 after I get my rebates mailed in. Ever since I got into the Circuit City to buy it, I've felt drunk on my incredible purchasing power. But not just drunk - totally, marvelously wasted. This is the biggest, most major purchase I've ever made, and probably my biggest investment ever, so I'm pretty damn thrilled.

Of course, as a result of this, I expect blogging to increase. I need to maximize my potential and get my money's worth, dammit! Plus, now I can work on things while I'm at school, so I'll probably rergress to my hours a day on the computer habit of years ago.

Plus, the thing glows!